Daily Post – March 13th | I do it my way

Living through a pandemic

in the south of France

360 days in Carcassonne since

1st lockdown in March 2020

▫️ DAILY AND WEEKLY STATISTICS HERE .

▫️ Covid-19: The situation in France
The Covid-19 epidemic has killed more than 90,000 people in France since it began a year ago, according to figures published Friday evening by the health agency Santé publique France. According to the figures, which are updated daily, 90,146 people have died from Covid-19 since the beginning of the epidemic in hospitals and Ehpad-type establishments (retirement homes), including 64,835 in hospital.

With 306 new admissions in 24 hours, there are now 4,033 Covid patients in intensive care or resuscitation, a number not reached since late November. However, this is still below the peaks of the first wave (7,000 in the spring) and the second (4,900 in the autumn).

24,749 patients were hospitalised, a slight decrease compared to the previous day, with 1,448 new admissions.

The number of new cases of infection was 25,229, compared to 27,166 the day before and 23,507 a week ago. The positivity rate (number of Covid-19 positive people out of all those tested) was 7.3%, a stable level since last Sunday.

As for vaccination, 4,819,924 people have received at least a first injection since the campaign began at the end of December 2020, while 2,219,277 have received two doses.

▫️ VACCINATION

I have created my own QR code to indicate I am vaccinated. In fact the QR code is a copy of the doctor’s certificate.

Who says I am not ready for a green passport?

▫️ SCAM

A site offering a complete containment kit with mask, gloves and thermometer is actually a phishing site to steal your bank details. Beware.

The announcement has all the makings of a good deal. As the Covid-19 epidemic continues unabated in France, a website is offering a containment kit (masks, gel, gloves, thermometer, etc.) for 1.99 euros. The icing on the cake is that the offer comes from Santé Publique France.

Except that it is a scam used by online fraudsters to collect personal data and especially bank details! Santé Publique France does not offer “free containment kits for the coronavirus crisis” explains the digital security assistance and prevention device Cybermalveillance.gouv.fr

“This offer was also online at the time of the first containment, we had managed to bring down the website hosting this scam, but it has come back since yesterday,” Jérôme Notin said. The offer is the same but the website url has changed. It is the address: https://fr-cov19.azurewebsites.net/info/. “On mobile, the visibility of this address, which is right at the top of the site on which you are browsing, is reduced, which can lead to confusion with the beginning “fr-cov-19″ but it is indeed a scam site”, Jérôme Notin deciphers.

Good to know, a certified government address must end in .gouv.fr.

▫️ MUSIC OF 1969

Not necessarily one of my top favorite but it was a number 1 and played a lot.

🎶 / 🎶 / 🎶

▫️ St PATRICK’S DAY MARCH 17th

Since you cannot go out to a bar or a pub, why not stay at home and color this picture.

▫️ FOOD & DRINKS

Putiing together the best recipe for Aioli. I had the opportunity to enjoy one last Thursday.

I’ll make it available shortly

▫️ ANCILLARY NOTES FROM A SMALL ISLAND from our correspondent in Britain

▷Do you know that September 19^th is…

International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Talking Like a Pirate – The Beginner’s Course

“Aarr!” is one of what we call “the Five As.” We call them this because that’s the letter they begin with, and our crack mathematics team assures us that there are five of them.

These exclamations are the glue that binds together pirate lingo. Even if you don’t know a bunghole from a broadside or a mizzenmast from a maidenhead, you can still give your conversation a little pirate panache by injecting these exclamations into yer landlubber lexicon.

Avast – Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of surprise, “Whoa! Get a load of that!” when a beautiful woman walks into the room. “Avast! Check out the bowsprit on that fine beauty!” you might say.

Ahoy – “Hello!” Any inference beyond “Hello!” is simply vocal inflection and has nothing to do with the real meaning of the word.

Aye – “Why, yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did.”

Aye aye – “I’ll get right on that, sir, as soon as my break is over.” We’ve never heard any similarly colorful expressions for “no,” perhaps because pirates were the type you didn’t want to say no to.

Arr – This one is often confused with arrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. “Arr!” can mean, variously, “yes,” “I agree,” “I’m happy,” “I’m enjoying this beer,” “My team is winning,” “My team is losing,” “I saw that television show, it sucked,” “I am here and alive” and “That was a clever remark you or I just made.” And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of “Arr!” It’s a little bit like the pirate version of “Oy,” that indispensable Yiddish word that has almost as many meanings as there are ways to pronounce it.

▷Mothering Sunday falls on 14^th March (UK) – France is on May 30th.

My friend Dave went into a shop and asked for flowers. The woman behind the counter said ‘I’m sorry – we don’t sell flowers’

‘But you’re open,’ protested Dave.

‘We are allowed to be open,’ explained the woman, ‘because we are a circumcision clinic.’

Said Dave , ‘But you’ve got flowers in the window.’

Said the woman, ‘What do you expect us to put in the window.’

(Thanks to Gyles Brandreth)

▫️ SATIRE

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

▫️ THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

Top of the morning to you.

▸ For language aficionados here are some intelligent puns. creating some good fun, in the bargain!!!

1. My best mates and I played a game of hide and seek. It went on for hours… Well, good friends are hard to find.

2. You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

3. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

4. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.You have my Word.

5. Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.

6. And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”But John came fifth, and he got hell.

7. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

8. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it

was a soft drink.

9. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

10. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero. Thanks for nothing!

11. Son: “Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?” Dad: “No sun.”

12 My math teacher called me average. How mean!

13 Clinic Receptionist: “Doctor, there’s a patient online that says he’s become invisible”.
Doctor: “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

▸ Four some reeson, I’ve never yet won a gaim of skrabel…

▸ I saw an ad for burial plots… and thought to myself, “this is the last thing I need”.

▸ Conjunctivitis.com…now there’s a site for sore eyes.

▸ I asked an eight-year old girl I know how school was going. She told me a boy in her class had told her she needed to change her attitude.
“Why do you think he would say a thing like that?” I asked. “I have no idea,” she replied, ”I am perfect as I am!”

▸ Why can’t you use BeefStew as a password? It’s not Strogenoff

▶︎Short and sweet groaners ………..

▸Never challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

▸The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, “This changes everything”.

▸Elton John hates ordering Chinese takeaways – apparently “soy seems to be the hardest word”

▸A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and ……………… cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

▸Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.

▶︎ Mrs. Brown was shopping at a garden market stand in her neighbourhood. She approached the vendor and asked , “how much are these oranges?”
“Two for a dollar,” answered the vendor.“How much for just one?” she asked. “Sixty cents,” answered the vendor.“Then I’ll take the other one,” said Mrs. Brown.

1. Advert in the local newspaper:
Looking for an apartment, large enough to keep my young wife permanently at home and from going to her mother; however, small enough to keep mother from spending her holidays with us.

2. Second advert in the local newspaper:
Loans: Do not borrow from your friends. You will lose them. Borrow from us. We shall always be around.

3. Note: John S. : — Communicate with me at once. Have great news for you. Bring 3 rings: Engagement, Wedding and Teething.

▶︎ More “groaner” puns ……………..

1. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c?   Because you can’t see in the dark.

2. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?   Well, time will tell.

3. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

4. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

5. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

7. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.

I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

8. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re

9. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.

▸ I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

▸ I invented a new word: plagiarism.

▶︎ My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, “You appear quite elderly to be driving.” “Well, yes, I am,” she replied proudly.“I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore.”“You don’t need a driver’s license anymore?!?”
“That’s right! The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s license. I told him ‘yes’ and handed it to him.He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, ‘You won’t need this anymore’. So I thanked him and left!”

▶︎ And a few legal jokes to close out the week….

▸The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” asks the accused. “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.” “What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is 130.”

▸ If you’re interested in becoming a lawyer, you’ll need a degree. But as these court transcripts reveal, the question is, in what?

Attorney: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
Witness: “By death.”
Attorney: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
Witness: “Guess.”

Attorney: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
Witness: “All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.”

▸ As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face.

I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions.

“Milton,” I asked, puzzled, “how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for those five years?” “I was in prison,” he answered. “You should know that—you were the one who sent me there.”
“That’s not possible,” I said. “I wasn’t even a judge then.”

“No, you weren’t the judge,” the defendant countered, smiling mischievously. “You were my lawyer.”

▸As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?

The defense attorney took a different approach, however. “I see you are a teacher,” he said. “What do you teach?”

“English and theater,” I responded.

“Then I guess I better watch my grammar,” the defense attorney quipped.

“No,” I shot back. “You better watch your acting.”

When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.

See you in court!!

▫️ WEATHER

Uncertain weather this afternoon in the area