Living through a pandemic
in the south of France
555 days in Carcassonne
1st lockdown in March 2020
DAILY STATISTICS HERE
▫️ HOME NEWS DESK
✏️ Daily update
The figures communicated by Santé Publique France on the Covid-19 epidemic give cause for optimism yesterday evening.
In the Aude region, 53 Covid patients have been hospitalised (3 less than the previous day), including 11 in intensive care (stable figure). No new deaths have been recorded in the last 24 hours, so the death toll remains at 403 since the beginning of the epidemic in the department. In Aude, the incidence rate was 54.7 cases per 100,000 inhabitants this Saturday evening (sliding week from 16 September to 22 September).
In the Pyrénées-Orientales, 76 Covid patients are hospitalised (-1), including 15 in intensive care (+1). As with the neighbours in Aude, no new deaths were recorded. The balance sheet thus remains at 405 deaths due to Covid in the department since the beginning of the epidemic. The good news is that the incidence rate is 48.4 cases per 100,000 inhabitants (sliding week from 16 to 22 September). The Pyrénées-Orientales are thus below the alert threshold set by the Government. This could lead to the lifting of the obligation to wear a mask for primary school pupils from 4 October.
At the national level, 7,980 Covid patients were hospitalised (-127), including 1,571 in intensive care (-15). Covid has killed 29 people in France in the last 24 hours (89,605 in total). The incidence rate is 62.7 this Saturday.
▫️ TRAVEL NEWS
Up to date
▫️ THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul
Friday Funnies greetings to everyone.
End the (working) week with a laugh or two…
✒︎Woman sends a SMS to her mother in law, “if child sick all over himself and
his bed who is responsible for cleaning him up.” Mother in law snapped
back saying, “obviously the mother.” Woman sends back, “your son’s drunk
and sick everywhere, please hurry.”
✒︎So the bloke in our local chippy says the best way to
cook fish is to give it a good slap first.
Sounds like codswallop to me?
✒︎I’m not saying your perfume is too Strong. I’m just saying the Canary was alive before you got here.
✒︎I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
✒︎Did you hear about the new Japanese restaurant that caters for
lawyers? It’s called Sosueme.
I✒︎ I’m in a band called The Palindromes.
Our first single was ‘If I Had A Hi Fi’.
And the next was ‘Was it a car or a cat I saw’
Our first album is out soon, ‘Never odd or even’.
✒︎I am surprised that Pfizer have not used an obvious angle in their advertising. They also manufacture Viagra, so why not say…
If we can raise the dead, surely we can cure the sick !!!
✒︎Some really corny riddles, part two…
• What do you call an Irishman around the side of the house? Paddy-o.
• What do you call a group of irishmen around the side of the house? Paddy-o furniture.
• What do you call a guy leaning on a shovel next to a hole? Doug.
• What do you call a guy leaning on a shovel next to a small hole? Douglas
• What do you call a guy sitting in a tree singing? Robin
• What do you say to a guy spread out on the bitumen? Ta (Tar).
• Do you know anyone who can drink 20 litres of fuel? Jerry can.
• The new colonel reminded me of one I heard not long ago, of a recently-retired military man who got a job with a security firm. He quickly fitted into his team well, but was always 5 or 10 minutes late arriving for work. Eventually his manager called him in, and told him there was no problem with his work or his relations with others, but his late arrival needed to be attended to. The manager said “You were in the military; what would they have said if you were late?”. The man replied, “They usually said “Good morning General. Would you like some coffee?”
•I did like Ginger Meggs in the paper this morning – “The best way to keep dad off the computer is to use an “Error” message as the screen saver.”
✒︎ A young man named Benny was a real party animal. He lived for the good times of wine, women, and song. He wished he could continue his lifestyle forever.
A genie suddenly appeared before him and made him the following wish: Benny would remain forever young if he would never shave. If he were ever to shave the genie would return transform him into an urn.
For several hundred years Benny partied every night. Needless to say, Benny’s beard became quite long and cumbersome. After a while Benny thought that enough time had elapsed and the genie had certainly forgotten about the bargain. So one evening before heading off to another party, Benny shaved off his beard. Instantly the genie appeared and transformed into an urn.
The moral of this story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned…
✒︎It was time for my dog’s annual checkup. Following the vet’s instructions, I collected a stool sample and dropped it in a plastic container before we left for his office. When we arrived,
I handed the sample to the receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile. The container read “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.”
✒︎”For sale,” read the ad in our hospital’s weekly newsletter, “sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 8, veil included. Worn once, by mistake.”
✒︎Little Billy hassles his father to get him a TV for his bedroom. His father finally gives in. One afternoon little Billy comes downstairs from his room and asks his father “Dad what
is love juice?’ His father was shocked and goes about explaining the birds and the bees.
Little Billy listens with his mouth agape and when the father is done he goes outside looking quite disturbed. An hour or so later the father goes out to little Billy and asks “Son,
what were you watching?” Little Billy replies “Wimbledon.”
✒︎ Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the
same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to
require a hip replacement.
The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the
same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an
appointment, then waits eight weeks to see a specialist, then
gets an x-ray, which isn’t reviewed for another week, and
finally has his surgery scheduled for six weeks from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The first is a Golden Retriever.
The second is an Old Age Pensioner.
✒︎”The Census Bureau reported that Las Vegas is about to pass Washington, D.C. in population. Of course, there’s a huge difference between Vegas and Washington. See, in Las Vegas, people
gamble with their own money.” –Jay Leno
✒︎”Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar,” the Preacher says.
Leroy gets in line, and when it’s his turn, the preacher asks: “Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you.”
Leroy replies: “Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.” The preacher puts one finger in Leroy’s ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy’s head and prays and prays
and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks,
“Leroy, how is your hearing now?”
Leroy says, “I don’t know, Reverend, I don’t go to court until next Wednesday.
✒︎ From the mind of Steven Wright :
• I had amnesia once – maybe twice.
• I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
• Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
• All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
• I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
• If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
• What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
• They told me I was gullible …. and I believed them.
• Two can live as cheaply as one, but only for half as long.
• Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
• What if there were no hypothetical questions?
✒︎ A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better. I have
an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, “I have
an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when
he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella
instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside
the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, ‘bang, bang’ and the beaver
fell dead. What do you think of that?”
The 90-year-old said, “I’d say somebody else shot that beaver.”
My point exactly,” said the Doctor.
✒︎ Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
✒︎ Q: What has ears but can’t hear a thing?
A: A cornfield.
✒︎ Q: What lies on the ground one hundred feet in the air?
A: A sunbathing centipede.
✒︎ Q: What do you get when you cross a Bumble Bee with a doorbell?
A: A Real Hum-dinger.
✒︎ Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married?
✒︎ Q. Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
A. Someone told him to get a long little doggy.
✒︎ Some short ones for the road…
• Tsunami: T is silent
• Honest: H is silent
• Island: S is silent
• Queue: ueue is silent!
✒︎ I read a survey that said 82% of people like being cuddled…
Judging by the reaction on the train this morning I would say it’s less than 1%!
✒︎ How many pedantic grammar police does it take to change a lightbulb? Too!
✒︎ Why did the chicken hold a séance?
To get to the other side.
See y’all later