Info Post – November 12th

Living through a pandemic

in the south of France

602 days since

1st lockdown in March 2020

DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ HOME NEWS DESK

✏️ CARCASSONNE 8TH BEST CITY IN FRANCE TO LIVE IN Carcassonne is ranked 8th in France in terms of “quality of life/safety” ahead of Cannes and Bayonne. The magazine L’Express is publishing a special edition today entitled “These cities that are redesigning France” with a very serious national survey that sifts through 100 French cities according to different themes and precise criteria.

Living environment, heritage, nature, real estate, safety… Carcassonne is ranked 8th among French towns “where life is good and cheap”. After having been awarded the label “Town and village where life is good” in 2021, Carcassonne confirms with this new study that it remains an attractive town on a national scale.

I am a bit sceptical on this survey in particular coming out a few days about the killing of 2 people in an apparent gang retaliation act. I shall look for and study the survey from the Express magazine.

✏️ FATHER XMAS Each year, you can correspond with Father Christmas, whose secretariat is based in Libourne. On the envelope, you can simply write “Father Christmas” (Père Noël) , without forgetting your address on the back, so that Father Christmas and his 50 elves can answer them.
This is a tradition as the festive season approaches. You have until December 17 to write to Father Christmas if you want to receive a reply, announced Thursday the Post Office, which will open its secretariat in Libourne in Gironde. “As Christmas approaches, everything becomes possible, even correspondence with Father Christmas,” the public group said.

Electronic correspondence possible
On the envelope, you can simply write “Father Christmas”, without forgetting your address on the back to be sure to receive a reply. There is no need to stamp the letter to Santa. You can also choose the electronic version on pere-noel.laposte.fr by choosing “write to Santa”.

Santa and his 50 elves – volunteer postal workers and temporary workers – will start work on Monday, and are committed to replying in two languages (French and English) to all children and classes who write to him.

▫️ HEALTH SITUATION

✏️ FRANCE 🇫🇷 The coronavirus is once again a cause for concern with indicators on the rise. Here is the daily summary update on the epidemic, with figures from Santé Publique France and the Ministry of Health.

CONTAMINATIONS
This Thursday 11 November, 12,603 new cases of Covid-19 were recorded in 24 hours, according to figures from Santé Publique France, bringing the total number of confirmed cases since the beginning of the epidemic to 7,256,643.

The rate of positive tests was 3.3%, compared to 3.1% the previous day.

HOSPITALISATION
The number of Covid-19 patients hospitalised stands at 6,952 (+46 in 24 hours), including 1,145 in intensive care units (-8 in 24 hours).

DEATHS
In 24 hours, 17 people died in hospital. The total number of deaths since the beginning of the epidemic is 118,073, including 91,176 in hospital.

VACCINATION
Since the beginning of the vaccination campaign in France, 51,431,090 people have received at least one dose of vaccine.

✏️ GERMANY 🇩🇪

Shocking to see the number of new cases yesterday. Germany leads the pack…

▫️ SEASONAL PIC

We do not have a big garden but the to do list indicates it is time to make it ready for winter

▫️ FOOD & DRINKS

▫️ MUSIC

The good old days when one would go to a specialised shop and go through the new and old LPs. In most places you could listen to it before buying it (or not).

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

▫️ FUN / SATIRE

▫️ THE FRIDAY FUNNIES from Paul

G’day Funnies people

☺︎A Scottish mother visits her son in his New York City apartment and
asks, ‘How do you find the Americans, Donald?’
‘Mother,’ says Donald, ‘they’re such noisy people. One neighbour won’t stop banging his head against the wall, while the other screams and screams all night long.’
‘Oh, Donald! How do you manage to put up with them?’ ‘What can I do? I just lie in bed quietly, playing my bagpipes.’

☺︎Dearest Dad,
I am coming home to get married soon, so get your cheque book out. I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me. As you know, I am in Australia  and he lives in Scotland. We met
on a dating web site, became friends on Facebook , had long chats on Whatsapp.
He proposed to me on Skype, and now we’ve had two months of a relationship through Viber. My beloved and favourite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.
Lots of love and thanks.
Your favourite daughter, Lilly

THE RESPONSE

My Dear Lilly,
Like Wow! Really? Cool! Whatever … I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal. And when you get fed up
with this new husband, sell him on eBay.
Love, Your Dad

☺︎I helped my seven-year-old grandson complete his maths homework yesterday. There were twelve toy cars drawn and he was asked to share them equally with a friend.
“So, how many cars would each of you get?” I asked him.
He quickly circled six cars then stopped.
“You have to circle your friend’s group of six as well,” I instructed.
“No, they are my mate’s cars,” he explained. “He can do his own work!”

☺︎A few short ones …………….
• Just heard on the radio that there are many songs which have just the right tempo for CPR chest compressions. Fittingly, the Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive” is perfect. Ironically, so is Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust”.

• Bill: “Did you bet on the Melbourne Cup”
Bob: “Nah, the horses I follow tend to follow other horses”

• I went to a fortune teller who told me that on the 7th day of the 7th month I should bet on number 7 in the 7th race. Yup, came in 7th!

• I backed a horse the other day. The winner came in at 5 to 1. My horse didn’t come inuntil quarter past 3

☺︎Some interesting philosophies ………………

• If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson…

• Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
Steve Martin…

• Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
Jimmy Durante…

• The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
George Roberts…

• As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
John Glenn..

• America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
David Letterman…

☺︎I have received the Funnies for many years but do not recall any inclusions with graffiti/toilet wall humour, most of which is pretty terrible but a few gems are hidden there. I was travelling in the UK back in the 1970’s and condom vending machines in men’s toilets were a bit of a novelty to us, and a target for graffiti. Some examples from memory:

“Worst tasting chewing gum I’ve ever bought”

Next to the, “Made to UK Standards 12345” Logo, was written… “So was the Titanic”

and of course the many times repeated “My Dad says they don’t work”

☺︎A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later. He built a wall with barbed wires on top. A young bull could not resist his temptations and wanted to mate a cow.
 Other bulls told him there was one veteran consultant bull amongst them that could help. The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows.
The consultant explained: “First of all.. stand 60 feet away from the wall. Then run at 60mph.Then jump at a 60° angle. Do what you want then come back the same way.” The bull asked:
“But what if I mess up with the calculations and lose my nuts  in the barbed wires?”
The consultant said:” Then you become a consultant.”

☺︎”A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day.” -Seth Meyers

☺︎”The Pope said that married people should have more kids. When asked for comment, married people said the Pope should have a kid and then get back to us.” -Conan O’Brien

☺︎Three men are sentenced to death. They are to be killed by the guillotine.
The first man was a priest. The executioner says, “You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down.” The priest says, “I want to die face up, looking up to the heavens.”
So the priest lies face up. The executioner releases the blade; the blade falls rapidly but suddenly stops just 1 inch from the priest’s neck. Given the miracle, the priest is allowed to walk free.

The next man was an alcoholic. The executioner offers him the same choice, “Do you want to lie facing up or facing down?”The alcoholic says, “I want to face up … to remember my glorious drinking days.”
So the alcoholic lies face up. The executioner releases the blade, and again, it suddenly stops just 1 inch from the man’s neck. Given the miracle, the alcoholic is allowed to walk free.

Finally, it’s the last man’s turn. He’s an engineer. Once again, the executioner offers him the same choice, “Face up or face down?”
The engineer scratches his head and says, “Face up I guess.”
So the engineer lies face up. Just as the executioner is about to release the blade, the engineer starts shouting. “Wait! Wait!  I think I can see the problem!”

☺︎Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.

The first spaceman says, “The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed 

satellite-based weapons.”

The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, “Are they an emerging intelligence?”

The first spaceman says, “I don’t think so. They have them aimed at themselves.”


☺︎Q: What do postal workers do when they’re mad?

A: They stamp their feet.

☺︎And a few of those one-liners to finish the week……
• Is a double negative a definite no-no? 

• Tried cross breeding a bull terrier with a shitzu. Guess what? 

• Just imagine how exciting it must have been for Barn Owls when humans invented barns! 

• Why do you never see the headline “Psychic wins lottery”? 

• A man has been found guilty of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence! 

• How to cook the correct amount of pasta:
1. Pour out how much you think you need.
2. Wrong! 

• I hate spelling errors. You just mix up two letters and your whole post is urined! 

• My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her the superglue instead!
She’s still not talking to me! 

• How do you write “do not touch” in braille? 

• So in retrospect, in 2015 not a SINGLE person got the answer right to “Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?” 

• I just told my suitcases that we won’t be going away this year. Now I’m dealing with all the emotional baggage! 

• One big difference between men and women is if a woman says “smell this” to you, it usually smells nice! 

• Accidentally went to the supermarket on an empty stomach. I’m now the proud owner of aisle 3! 

• Dyslexics of the world untie! 

• Has COVID-19 forced you to wear a mask & glasses together? If so, you may be entitled to condensation! 

Catch you next week…..

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

▫️ ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

❒ Five things to know about Veterans Day.

❒ The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier turns 100 years old.

❒ … and the public lays flowers at the tomb for the first time in almost a century.

❒ Portraits of World War II veterans.

❒ A secret bookshelf passageway discovered in 500-year-old house. (w/video)

❒ The mystery of the stopped clock illusion.

❒ Man flies away, powered by 50 drone motors. (via YouTube)

❒ The 100 best inventions of 2021.

❒  French fry flavored vodka.

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