Info Post – December 14th

Living through a pandemic

in the south of France

634 days since

1st lockdown in March 2020

DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ HOME NEWS DESK

Fluctuat nec mergitur

✏️ PLANNING

As done every year as this time of year, I have started planning possible holidays and events for next year. Quite a few things are already firmly planned and booked during the 1st half of the year. Let us hope that Covid-19 will not have too much negative effects. What would we do without Excel?

▫️ HEALTH SITUATION

✏️ FRANCE 🇫🇷

Daily update on the Covid epidemic in France, with figures from Santé Publique France and the Ministry of Health.

INFECTIONS
On Monday 13 December, 12,038 new cases of Covid-19 were reported in 24 hours.

The rate of positive tests was 6.7%.

HOSPITALISATIONS
There are currently 15,230 Covid-19 patients hospitalised (+1,180 in 24 hours), including 2,752 in intensive care.

DEATHS
In 24 hours, 231 people have died in hospital due to Covid. The total number of deaths since the beginning of the epidemic is 120,662.

VACCINATION
Since the beginning of the vaccination campaign in France, 52,293,301 people have received at least one injection.

✏️ REGIONAL

Thanks to the figures published by Santé publique France, here is an update on the health situation in the departments of Aude and Pyrénées-Orientales on Sunday 12 December.

In Aude, 83 people with Covid were hospitalised on Sunday (+6 in 24 hours, +30 in 6 days). Among these patients, 18 are being treated in critical care units (resuscitation, intensive care or continuous monitoring), which is as many as on Saturday.

One death in hospital due to the coronavirus is to be deplored this Sunday, bringing the total to 418 deaths in the department since the beginning of the epidemic.

The incidence rate continues to rise in the Aude region, reaching 488.6 cases per 100,000 inhabitants in the week from 3 to 9 December (compared to 485.4 on Saturday).

Ten deaths in a week in the Pyrenees-Orientales
In the Pyrenees-Orientales, 144 Covid patients are being treated in hospitals this Sunday (+11 in 24 hours). The number of people hospitalised because of the coronavirus had not been so high in the department since 17 May (149 at the time). Among these 144 patients, 19 are in critical care services (resuscitation, intensive care or continuous monitoring), that is to say 1 more than on Saturday (+10 in 6 days).

10 people have died of Covid in hospital in the last 7 days, including 3 in 24 hours, bringing the total to 446 deaths in the department since the beginning of the epidemic.

The incidence rate continues to soar in the department and even flirted with 700 cases per 100,000 inhabitants on Sunday. It stands at 690.4 in the sliding week from 3 to 9 December (compared to 673.9 on Saturday).

▫️ PIC of the week

▫️ FOOD & DRINKS

There is a story about this Gin

The label was designed by my very good friend Gérard and it won an award

▫️ CAR OF THE WEEK

The iconic Mustang Fastback

▫️ MUSIC

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

▫️ FUN / SATIRE

▫️ FRIDAY FUNNIES from Paul (on a Tuesday)

Frozen greetings to everyone….

◼︎ “A study found that many types of head lice have mutated and now have become resistant to over-the-counter treatments. The problem has scientists scratching their heads.” -Conan O’Brien

◼︎ “The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it’s a little frustrating when you try to text, ‘Burglar! Please hurry!,’ and it auto-corrects to, ‘Burger, please. Hungry.'” -Jimmy Fallon

◼︎ An elderly gentleman…
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of modern hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 

‘Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’
The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’

◼︎ “Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.”
     —Unknown

◼︎ “It was different when we were kids. In second grade, a teacher came in and gave us all a lecture about not smoking, and then they sent us over to arts and crafts to make ash- trays for Mother’s Day.” –Paul Clay

◼︎ “The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can’t ignore it, top it; if you can’t  op it, laugh at it; if you can’t laugh at it, it’s probably deserved.”
 –Russell Lynes

◼︎ An oldie but a goodie …….

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa’s room ..

.”Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “As soon as Grandma comes into the 

room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said her Grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog – because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, 

we’re all going to Bali!”

◼︎ “Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven’t got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.” –Oscar Wilde

◼︎ My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet.  Our first move was to access the popular “Ask Jeeves” site, and we told her it could answer any question she had.

Nancy’s mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, “It’s true, Mom. Think of something to ask it.”

As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy’s mother thought a minute, then responded, “How is Aunt Helen feeling?”

◼︎ A  minister was completing a temperance sermon.  

With great emphasis he said, ‘If  I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and  pour it into the river.’

With  even greater emphasis he said,  ‘And  if I hadAll the wine in the world , I’d take  it and pour it into the  river.’

And  then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, ‘And  if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d  take it and pour it in to the  river.’

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The  song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, 

‘For our closing song,  let  us sing Hymn  #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River.’


◼︎ Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to “decifer” them, I had to set him straight.

I wrote, “Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you’ve forgotten, spell checker comes free with your soft- ware.”

A minute later, I got this reply, “Mine must be dephective.”


◼︎ A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.

“In English,” he explained, “a double negative forms a positive.

In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.”

“However,” the professor continued, “there is no language wherein
a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up…  “Yeah, right.”


◼︎ A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 

‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!… the husband became 92 years old.


◼︎ I called the local newspaper’s classified section to complain about an ad I’d placed.

It was obvious the person who took my information had never spent any time on a farm.

“I said ‘ewes,'” I argued.

“Pardon?” replied the operator.

“Ewes. It makes a difference to some people.”

The ad that was placed read: “Sheep for sale – USED.”


◼︎ A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

 ‘What was that for?’ he asked.
 ‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the
name Laura Lou written on it,’ she replied.

 ‘Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of
 one of the horses I bet on,’ he explained.

 ‘Oh honey, I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I should have known there was a
 good explanation.’

 Three days later he was watching the football on TV when she walked
 up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron
 skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, ‘What the hell was that for?’

 She replied…….’Your horse just phoned’


▸ Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

A. Frostbite.


▸ Q: Why did the math book visit the doctor?

A: Because it had problems.


▸ Q: Why are cakes similar to baseball teams?

A: They both need good batters.


▸ Q: What fruit teases you a lot?

A: A ba..na..na..na..na..na..na!


▸ Q: How can you tell if a calendar is popular?

A: It has a lot of dates!


▸ Q: Why aren’t elephants allowed on beaches?

A: They can’t keep their trunks up!


▸ Q: Why does a tiger have stripes?

A: So he won’t be spotted.


▸ Q: Where does a bat eat his dinner?

A: On home plate, and he has a ball.


▸ Q: What has ears but can’t hear a thing?

A: A cornfield.

Catch you next time.


▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

▫️ ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

❒ Visualising what happens in an internet minute.

❒ An animated map of marine plastics.

🏠

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