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There was a time when England exported culture: Shakespeare, The Beatles, Monty Python. Now? They seem to be importing everything from across the Atlantic, from pumpkin-spiced lattes to baseball caps worn backwards. England isn’t yet the 51st state, but it’s certainly applying for a green card.

Dressing Down, American Style

The stiff upper lip once came with a stiff collar and tie. Today, they’ve fully embraced the American gospel of “comfort over class.” Suits are relegated to weddings, funerals, and the occasional bank advert. Trainers, hoodies, and anything with a swoosh or a tick now pass as respectable daywear. Even the once-mighty Savile Row has to compete with sweatpants.

Fries with That?

Once upon a time, British cuisine was mocked worldwide. Now they’ve solved the problem by importing American food, which is mocked worldwide for different reasons. High streets are clogged with burger joints boasting “authentic American taste,” which usually means extra grease and double the portion. Wash it down with a bucket-sized coffee, and voilà: cultural convergence in a cardboard cup.

Customer Service with a Forced Smile

“Good morning, sir” has quietly morphed into “Hi there, how are you today?” The answer, of course, is irrelevant. The cashier doesn’t want to know about anyone’s dodgy knee or the late train. They’ve simply been trained in the fine art of fake friendliness, American-style. A nation once famed for understatement is now flirting with over-enthusiasm.

The Cult of Consumption

Remember when Black Friday was just an oddity on CNN? Now it’s a British blood sport. They’ve taken the American tradition of trampling strangers for a half-price toaster and made it their own. Add in Halloween decorations, Super Bowl parties, and pumpkin spice invading everything from muffins to toothpaste, and you start to wonder: is Thanksgiving the next import?

Lost in Translation

Even their language is under siege. Children don’t live in “flats” anymore, they live in “apartments.” It’s no longer rubbish, it’s “trash.” And when ordering in a café, the perfectly serviceable “May I have…” has been bulldozed by “Can I get…?” The invasion isn’t coming. It’s already here—smuggled in through Netflix subtitles and TikTok slang

So yes, England is still England. They still have tea, rain, and cricket. But squint a little, and you’ll see the outline of America showing through, like stars and stripes under a fading Union Jack.

God Save the King… and pass the fries.

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