We decided to finally go to Spain to visit the Dali museum. It was originally planned in 1BC (Before Covid) together with some friends from the UK. Obviously it had to be cancelled.
This time we are with our friends K & P from Germany.
The town of Figueres in Spain is only 165 km (100 miles) away. We had booked / reserved tickets for 1pm so we had time for a coffee and a couple of tapas.
Not very warm in Spain today. The museum is not difficult to find with its impressive outside.
We had to wait a few minutes before being allowed in. Some interesting views. I did not know he had such an interest in tyres.
The inside is extremely interesting. It is impossible to photograph everything.
We had booked a hotel in advance. It is located a few hundred meters from the museum and easy to fin. I can highly recommend it. Thank you S&G for the tip.
Réservation for dinner were made for 8pm which gave us time for a rest followed by a discovery walk in town which was remarkably busy for a Sunday evening. Many shops were open and we of course had to have a small aperitif.
One of Dali’s work
Dinner at the hotel’s restaurant Pelegri was excellent and despite the fact that today was the staff party evening, the service was very good and deserved the larger than usual tip I gave.
Easy drive to Barcelona, it took only 2h40 to reach the town centre from home and another few minutes to get to the hotel. Although we arrived early, our room was ready and we could settle in before parking the car and look for a spot to eat. It did not take long to find the ideal tapas place. Warm enough to sit outside, on top of that the needed beer was excellent.
Looking at the map, it is not far to go on foot to the famous Basilica De la Sagrada Familia.
So off we go. We have tried a couple of times in the past to get in without success but this time we are able to buy tickets on line for an immediate entrance.
I‘ll photoshop the crane away from my home computer
Back at the hotel for a rest before heading out to a restaurant I have booked months ago. The plan is to walk there.
We find the said restaurant „Tapeo“ after some 30 minutes walk. The food is excellent and I can certinly recommend the place.
On the way home we stopped at this cocktail bar called „Tabu lounge“
Final night cap at the hotel. Being a member of the club allows us for a free welcome drink. It would be a shame to miss it.
All in all, quite a pleasant day. Did some walking too which compensâtes with the amount of tapas which were enjoyed.
Day 2
Not a brilliant night sleep, always the same when in a new bed. As a result up earlier than planned. After a nice breakfast, it is time to go and find the car. Despite the sunshine and blue sky it is quite chilly outside.
The drive to the airport is easy and only takes 20 minutes. We have to kill a couple of hours but it might be too early for a beer.
Soon it is time to board and fly away. We are dead on time and the weather is good. We are treated to so e greats views along the way.
Soon after departure in a south westerly direction (runway 25L was used) we turn around and fly past Barcelona. Great view of the town and the Pyrenees in the north.
The pilot then sets across the Mediteranean towards Marseille. What a view of my favorite town.
Soon the scenery changes and we reach the Alps
It does not take too long to reach and cross Germany before landing in Hannover which happens to be the one I used the most in my life so far.
The hire car was waiting for us as planned. We settle at our daughter‘s house after a noisy welcome from the 3 dogs.
We had an official appointment in Montpellier and we decided to make the most of it and go there and include an overnight stay.
It is not really worth it to go by car. The train from Carcassonne is direct and slightly faster and extremely comfortable.
The hotel we chose is conveniently located in the town centre next to the Place de la Comedie and only a few hundred yards from the train station.
First things first and a good lunch is needed a few hundred yards away from our rendez-vous point early in the afternoon.
The appointment, although frustrating due to the fact that our contact had not turned up for work due to Covid and we were left sitting for a couple of hours before a replacement took charge, was a success. All is well which ends well.
Préfecture de l’Hérault
After a celebration drink, the evening is ours to find a place to eat followed by a night-cap. The Xmas market is in full swing and apparently well organised. It is self contained and no entrance possible if you do not have a health pass. A far better organisation than back home in Carcassonne.
After a good night sleep, it is time to go and explore the town and hit the shops. I really like the place. The old town is full of very small streets with a lot of hidden gems and a lot of shops of all kind.
My favorite shop, of course, was the comic book shop…
Lunch is outside, under cover but outside.
It is time to walk to the train station and catch the train home
Made it to Lyon early afternoon after an easy and fast journey on the motorway. It did not take long to find the hotel and check in before going out and find a suitable parking for the night. That done, we were able to deamble through town and look at shop windows. As it happens tomorrow is „Black Friday“ and major reductions are being advertised everywhere.
So the plan is to spend tomorrow morning shopping, fill up the boot of the car and make our way to the next destination. I have spotted a couple of shops which look very interesting.
We have reserved a table this evening at a typical local restaurant. One of the famous „Bouchon“ and namely „La mère maquerelle“ which is a few minutes away on foot from the hotel.
Before dinner, an aperitif at the hotel bar is a must. Local white wines of course.
The restaurant is a few minutes walking away and it turns out to be exactly how we had envisaged. Food is good, wine is excellent.
Back to the hotel for a night cap. No rush tomorrow.
Day 2
The 1st order of the day is some serious shopping due to the black Friday sales and indeed we do just that.
Late morning is time for a coffee is an excellent bar / restaurant.
Around midday, we pick up the car, go back to the hotel to pick up our luggage and we set up north for the next leg. We arrive in Vezelay around 4pm, my 1st brother and spouse shortly afterwards.
Day 3
Busy day today
Day 4
Time to head back south. After breakfast we part company with my brother and head to Montelimar where we are expected at my friends C&T for dinner and stay the night.
The drive down is pretty dicy (or should I say icy) in a couple of places where we encounter a couple of mini snow storms.
We make mid-afternoon and it is a very welcoming feeling, even better when the bottle of whisky comes out.
We have a great time catching up on the news and planning new events. I manage to call my friends G&F who just arrived from Iran and find out they are spending the night in Lyon on the way down to Pezenas the next day. This means they will be passing a few hundred metres away from us so on the spur of the moment, they are invited for lunch. All in all an excellent evening.
Day 5
I am currently downloading my daily Covid-19 data for my files which will be updated as soon as I get home later today. I am also taking the opportunity whilst I am alone (the girls have just gone out to get the croissants for breakfast) to do a short update of this post.
And why not, it is more or less the equidistant point between some of our locations (Perpignan, Carcassonne, Montelimar, not quite so with Grenoble).
Anyway we decided to meet there for a leisurely lunch. Séte is the biggest French fishing port in the Mediterranean so obviously it had to be a sea-food restaurant. We selected „La Marine“.
All of us turned up more or less at the agreed time and had to do a bit a news catching up. The food was very good.
A short walk around town was necessary to digest
Before hitting the road back to our respective towns. We decided it was a good meeting point and will do it again.
May I take the opportunity to remind everyone that the « Escale à Sète » boat show will be back in April 2022. As far as I am concerned, not to be missed and maybe another occasion for a meeting.
✏️ Today represents the 600th day since the 1st lockdown in France as a result of Covid-19. For the first 300 days I more or less reported daily but I think the time has come to slow down even if we are far from normal times. It is clear that a 5th wave is hitting us and the number of new daily cases is increasing everywhere and in some countries like the UK or Germany even more. Let us hope it remains under control and that the year end festivities will not be too affected.
✏️ Health situation update
France as of Tuesday Novembre 9th
CONTAMINATIONS This Tuesday 9 November, 12,476 new cases of Covid-19 were recorded in 24 hours, according to figures from Santé publique France, bringing the total number of confirmed cases since the beginning of the epidemic to 7,232,157.
The rate of positive tests was 3%, compared to 2.9% the previous day.
HOSPITALISATION The number of Covid-19 patients hospitalised stands at 6,851 (-14 in 24 hours), including 1,140 in intensive care units (-1 in 24 hours).
DEATHS In 24 hours, 49 people died in hospital due to Covid. The total number of deaths since the beginning of the epidemic is 118,023, including 91,126 in hospital.
VACCINATION Since the beginning of the vaccination campaign in France, 51,405,775 people have received at least one dose of vaccine.
✏️ Carcassonne. The town has said goodbye to Norbert Serres, its emblematic restaurateur
The emblematic restaurateur Norbert Serres, a pillar of two Carcassonne institutions, is no more. Yesterday morning, at the Saint-Nazaine basilica in the town, family, friends and customers came in their hundreds to attend his funeral.
Norbert was a friend of many Carcassonnais. Starting with Gérard Larrat, the mayor of Carcassonne, who, during his speech, exchanged his status of mayor for that of a friend. “I was one of those to whom he spoke, to whom he confided. I used to go to his house to celebrate my victories and to soak up fear and sadness. He always had the right word. He was a Rabelaisian man. You will understand that my tribute is not conventional because Norbert was not conventional. Norbert made his life a show of which he was the author, the director improvising at every moment. He was an incredible man with a complex personality who let himself be dethroned by his character. Norbert was Norbert.
For the ninth time since the beginning of the Covid-19 crisis, Emmanuel Macron solemnly addressed the French on Tuesday 9 November, with a multiple objective: to boost the vaccine recall in the face of the rebound of the epidemic, to boast about his achievements and to evoke the priorities of the end of the five-year term.
✒︎ Towards a third dose for the over-50s
The Head of State announced that a third dose of vaccine will be required for the over-65s if they want to keep their health pass beyond 15 December. While the number of daily cases is rising and studies show a drop in vaccine effectiveness after a few months, this category is the most at risk. According to the Ministry of Health, half of the patients hospitalised in critical care are currently over 65, compared to one third at the end of August.
“People under 65 are also seeing the protection provided by the vaccine decrease over time. In fact, as I speak, more than 80% of people in intensive care are over 50,” he added. This is why a booster campaign will be launched from the beginning of December for our compatriots aged between 50 and 64.
The mere announcement on Friday of the presidential address gave a boost to requests for vaccination appointments. On Monday, more than 97,000 slots were booked for a third dose on Doctolib, more than double the average for the last few weeks.
✒︎ A new law for internal security
In addition to the announcements on the health pass, Emmanuel Macron announced that a programming law for internal security will be presented in the first quarter of 2022. According to the Head of State, this text should give more means to the police and reduce their bureaucratic constraints.
✒︎ Emmanuel Macron defends his vision for pension reform
If the conditions “are not met to relaunch today” the pension reform project, Emmanuel Macron said that it would be necessary, from next year, to take “clear” decisions on pensions “to preserve the pensions of retirees and solidarity between our generations”. “They will legitimately be the subject of indispensable democratic debates, but they will have to follow simple principles: working longer by pushing back the legal age, moving towards a fairer system by abolishing special schemes, harmonising the rules between the public and private sectors and ensuring that at the end of a full career, no pension can be less than 1,000 euros,” he added.
He also announced that from 1 December onwards it will be necessary to have worked for at least six months in the last two years in order to be compensated by unemployment insurance.
✒︎ Towards the construction of new nuclear reactors
The Head of State also announced that France would “develop renewable energies” and build new nuclear reactors “for the first time in decades”. This is “to guarantee France’s energy independence, to guarantee our country’s electricity supply and to achieve our objectives, in particular carbon neutrality in 2050”, he argued.
France, which gets most of its electricity from nuclear power, is currently building only one new-generation nuclear reactor, the EPR in Flamanville (EDF), whose construction started in 2007 and is still not completed. It was due to be commissioned in 2012 and cost 3.3 billion euros. Its start-up is now planned for 2023 and should cost, according to EDF, 12.4 billion euros. The Court of Auditors estimates that the total bill would be rather 19.1 billion.
France is considering building six additional EPRs, and EDF submitted a file to the government in the spring on the feasibility and conditions of such a programme. President Macron also recently announced investments in a future small reactor project (SMR).
“If we want to pay for our energy at reasonable rates and not depend on foreign countries, we must both continue to save energy and invest in the production of decarbonised energy on our soil,” said Emmanuel Macron, who has already emphasised the advantages of nuclear energy in recent months, particularly from a climate perspective.
▫️ SEASONAL PIC
▫️ FOOD & DRINKS
Green tea v Coffee
Caffeine content and health benefits
Caffeine is the most widely consumed stimulant worldwide. It’s naturally found in coffee and tea. In fact, coffee and tea are the richest sources ofcaffeine in the human diet.
Generally speaking, coffee provides more than three times the amount of caffeine in green tea, which is why it’s such an invigorating drink to have in the morning or when you’re in a slump.
Caffeine works by stimulating your brain, helping you stay alert and preventing the onset of fatigue. It has also been shown to increase energy levels, quicken reaction time and enhance exercise performance. Additionally, it can improve your memory and your mood. Studies suggest that caffeine also has protective effects on the brain and that it may help reduce the risk of dementia and degenerative brain diseases.
Unfortunately, it’s tough for experts to conclusively narrow down the perks or pitfalls of either beverage mainly because it’s practically impossible to do long-term studies on either coffee or green tea without other confounding factors. So what do we know for sure?
For starters, coffee is healthier than you may realise. It’s packed with antioxidants, which can reduce inflammation and protect cells from damage caused by unstable molecules called free radicals.
Inflammation is implicated in various chronic diseases, including diabetes, Alzheimer’s disease and some types of cancer. Therefore, coffee, being rich in antioxidants that lower inflammation, may help lower your risk of certain chronic diseases.
However, green tea wins when it comes to antioxidant content. Green tea is rich in compounds called catechins that help fight inflammation. Epigallocatechin-3-gallate (EGCG), a type of catechin, is particularly effective against inflammation. In fact, EGCG has been associated with a lower risk of cancer and diabetes.
Green tea also contains polyphenols – powerful compounds that help manage blood sugar.
Moreover, coffee and green tea also have weight loss benefits. Coffee contains nutrients that improve digestion, like niacin (vitamin B3), potassium and magnesium. Maintaining healthy digestion or a well-functioning digestive system supports weight loss primarily because the process of digestion burns calories. The caffeine in coffee also boosts the rate at which your body burns calories.
On the other hand, a review published in the journal Obesity Reviews showed that the fat burned by one cup of green tea comes to 5.7 grams (g). The review also indicated that a daily cup of green tea is beneficial for stubborn weight loss, especially if it’s combined with a well-balanced diet and regular exercise.
Risks of drinking too much coffee or green tea
The pros and cons of drinking coffee or green tea are associated with caffeine. Therefore, the best one for you will depend on your body’s reaction to this natural stimulant. After all, nobody wants a rapid heart rate or to be kept up all night.
Caffeine’s unsavoury effects are actually why some experts don’t recommend having coffee first thing in the morning. Coffee increases a hormone called cortisol, which is also known as the “stress hormone.”
Cortisol regulates your energy and alertness throughout the day. Cortisol is naturally high in the morning. Therefore, giving yourself an extra dose of cortisol when you wake up by drinking coffee can blunt the production of cortisol and mess with your body’s natural cycle. Moreover, some studies have shown that coffee, when consumed in the morning, can cause your body to produce more cortisol than it actually needs. This may negatively impact weight and hormone levels, as well as ovulation periods in women.
Aside from not drinking coffee first thing in the morning, you also shouldn’t have it on an empty stomach. That is because coffee stimulates acid production in the stomach, which can cause discomfort.
Drinking coffee in excess also has potential downsides, such as reduced bone density, higher cholesterol and an increased risk for heart disease.
Green tea, on the other hand, is easier on the gut than coffee. However, it isn’t the best option for people with a history of kidney stones. Green tea has high levels of oxalates, which are also produced as waste products by the body. Oxalates exit the body through urine, but too many oxalates may cause kidney stones in some people.
Other potential downsides to drinking too much green tea are stained teeth – which coffee can also cause – and poor iron absorption. Green tea contains antioxidants called tannins, which can interfere with and decrease how much iron your body actually absorbs in a meal.
Both coffee and green tea offer amazing health benefits. In most cases, you don’t really need to choose one over the other. You can have both. But if you find that you feel anxious or get jittery after drinking coffee, then switching to green tea might not be such a bad idea.
On the other hand, if the caffeine in green tea isn’t enough to perk you up in the morning, then you’re probably better off drinking coffee. Coffee is also great for when you need to boost athletic performance before a workout.
No matter which beverage you go for, remember to drink it in moderation so as to avoid the health problems excessive consumption can cause.
▫️ MUSIC
Have you listened to the new album yet?
It is available on all streaming platforms like Deezer, Amazon, Spotify etc
On the spur on the moment a couple of weeks ago I decided to attend the classic car show in Lyon known as epoqu‘auto. I immediately wrote to my friends from the old gang – La Bande – (so easy nowadays with email) and two responded that they were interested. Even better, one of the two in fact invited us to stay at his place and drive to the exhibition centre in his Volvo Amazon classic car.
9:01am So right now, I am sitting on the train which will take us to Valence near Lyon which is where we are going to be picked up. We are just leaving Narbonne train station where my friend Philippe joined me.
Quite a fast journey and we got off at Valence where our friend Sem, has planned, was waiting for us. In fact his daughter and 2 grand children were also there because they were taking a train towards the south a few minutes later. I am glad I had the opportunity to see her, last time was probably 20 years ago.
Sem drove us back to their house 1h15 or so away in the very small village of Arzay.
We arrived safely and had a proper look around the house and surroundings.
A short while later our friend JL, who also lives in this part of the world and 1 hour away , arrived for the planned late lunch and namely a „Raclette“.
We of course had to inspect the Volvo car and JL gave some tips how to fix door joints etc.
We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening reminiscing the old days and listening to the music we use to listen to in 1968…
and for the insiders Project “N” was discussed at length and I shall report shortly about it.
Day 2
Today is expo day. Time to start the beast which will take us there. It started immediately („au quart de tour“ as we say in French) and we were off.
It takes an hour to get there via country roads. We are directed to car park 4 which is free of charge and reserved for classic cars. It is actually worth having a good look around the car park. Quite a few oldies to be seen.
But of course the main attraction is inside and in the halls
It took a bit of searching, but we found the Volvo Club where our friend Sem was in his element and chatted quite a while with other members he knew.
We left him alone and went to look at some old bikes and go for a deserved and needed drink.
We parted way with Sem who drove back home alone and we took the tram & bus to Lyon‘s town centre.
It was fairly easy to find the Ibis hotel and we decided to stay in for the evening which started with an apéritif at the hotel bar,
followed by dinner in the hotel restaurant „Courte Paille“ where maybe a bit too much wine was consumed. As a result we made quite a few phone calls to friends we have seen for a while.
Day 3
10:12 am Checked out of the hotel a couple of hours ago to go and explore the area.
Lyon appears to be quite nice. Worth a weekend break in the not too distant future. Currently sitting in Modjo bar for my morning cappuccino.
11:15am I am now sitting comfortably in the fast TGV train to Montpellier where I shall have to change trains.
Currently travelling at 286 kmh and should reach my 1st destination in 1h30. Aperitif time is approaching so I think I shall make my way to the bar on board which magically is in the next car…
13:27 Change of train. I am now in the Intercité from Montpellier to Bordeaux stopping in Carcassonne.
14:30 Finally home in Carcassonne, just a short walk from the train station to my house partly along the Canal du Midi which has been emptied on some sections for maintenance. This is not an issue because the boat traffic stops end of Octobre and restarts in May.
The restaurant owner, king of the Carcassonne nightlife, passed away in the early hours of this morning, November 5th. Norbert Serres was 67 years old. He was a mountain of energy and good humour. For everyone, he was Norbert. He worked in the restaurant business in Carcassonne for 50 years. He was an emblematic figure of Carcassonne, the friend of the stars, the prince of the party. Everyone remembers the Fiesta Bodega… He still ran Norbert’s Table and the Red Curtain. Carcassonne is in shock. Although he had recently experienced some health problems, Norbert continued to move forward with a sure step. The man loved life so much.
Only last week there was an entertainment program on TV and the presenter at some point commented to his guests “if you ever go to Carcassonne, go and see Norbert, he is a good friend of mine”. He really knew a lot of people in show business.
✏️ Health situation update
CONTAMINATIONS On Thursday 4 November, 9,502 new cases of Covid-19 were recorded in 24 hours, according to figures from Santé publique France, bringing the total number of confirmed cases since the beginning of the epidemic to 7,190,334. The test positivity rate is 2.2%.
HOSPITALISATION The number of Covid-19 patients hospitalised was 6,718 (-46 in 24 hours), including 1,099 in intensive care units.
DEATHS In 24 hours, 47 people died in hospital due to Covid. The total number of deaths since the beginning of the epidemic is 117,849, of which 90,966 have occurred in hospital.
VACCINATION Since the beginning of the vaccination campaign in France, 51,301,210 people have received at least one injection (i.e. 76.4% of the total population) and 50,148,444 people have now received the full vaccination schedule (i.e. 74.6% of the total population).
✏️ Politics
On Friday morning, the National Assembly (French Parliament) definitively adopted the bill “on various health vigilance provisions” and in particular the extension of the health pass until the end of July 2022.
✏️ Cinema update
I am sure a few of us would qualify
▫️ SEASONAL PIC
▫️ FOOD & DRINKS
Suggestion of the day
Linguine and clams
▫️ MUSIC
🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶
▫️ FUN
▫️ SATIRE
▫️THE FRIDAY FUNNIES from Paul
Top of the morning/evening to you
▶︎Some short jokes to start……
◆What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second telephone.
◆What do you call a blind dinosaur.? Doyouthinkhesawus.
◆Farmers have decided to stop using dyes or branding to mark their flocks. Instead they will use black and white vertical stripes and call them….. BAA CODES
◆If the USA is so great, why did someone make a USB?
◆A friend asked me if my stomach was flat? I answered “Yes, but the “l” is silent”
◆The bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an impostor. He never once moved diagonally.
▶︎A young blonde person went to the doctor complaining of pain. “Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.”You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the person “What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.” The person touched the right knee with the index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then touched the left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then the person touched the right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts”, the person cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and gave his diagnosis, “You have a broken finger.”
▶︎A woman answers the phone and has the following conversation:
“Yes, Mother, I’ve had a hard day. Hank has been quite difficult… Yes, I know I ought to be more firm, but it’s a difficult thing to do. Well, you know how he is. Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that he could be a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry him. I appreciate you always being there for me, and you were perfectly right. Oh, you want to speak with him? Okay, hang on……………..” She lays the phone on her shoulder and calls in to her husband in the other room:
“Hank, your Mother wants to speak to you!”
▶︎When Rod’s wife ran away he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Rod told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life isn’t worth living.” “Don’t be stupid, Rod,” said the psychiatrist. “Let work be your salvation. I want you to totally submerge yourself in your work. Now, What do you do for a living?” “I clean out septic tanks.” Rod replied.
▶︎”Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.”
▶︎Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls getaway trip – shopping, casinos, massages, facials. Two days before the group is to leave Mary’s husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn’t going.
Mary’s friends are very upset that she can’t go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine. “Wow, how long you been here and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?” “Well, I’ve been here since last night. . . Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said ‘Guess who’?” I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. . . On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, “Now, you can do whatever you want.” So here I am.
▶︎Scene: A conversation between two of my friends.
Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?
Friend #2: I’m all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override.
Friend #1: What’s a GPS override?
Friend #2: My wife.
▶︎Doug asks, “I know you’re crazy about that little daughter of yours, Bill. What are you going to do when she starts to date?”
Bill says, “I figure I’ll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder, and pull him close to me so that only he can hear. Then I’ll say, “Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She’s my only daughter, and I love her very much. If you were thinking about touching, kissing, or being physically affectionate to her in any way, just remember… I don’t mind going back to prison.”
▶︎One day a truckload of fertiliser went by this farm where a young boy lived. The boy stopped the truck and asked the driver, “What are you going to use this fertiliser for?” The man said, “For my strawberries.” The boy replied, “Well at my place we put sugar and cream on our strawberries.”
▶︎A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the race- track. The broker suggested betting $12,000 on a certain horse. The analyst was skeptical; he had never been to the races before and wanted to understand the rules and look over all the horses before placing a wager. “You’re too cautious and detail-oriented,” the broker criticised as he placed his large bet. His horse won and he raked in a bundle of money. “What’s your secret?” the analyst asked. “It’s simple,” the broker explained. “I have two kids… ages two and six…so I add their ages together and bet on number nine.” “But two and six is eight, not nine!” protested the analyst. “See!” the broker replied, “I told you you’re too cautious and detail-oriented.”
▶︎ My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of financial difficulties. So one evening I was touched to see him gazing at the diamond wedding ring that symbolised our marriage. “With this ring…” I began romantically. “We could pay off Visa,” he responded.
▶︎ These two girlfriends are very close, allowing them to be totally honest with each other. As one fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, she remarked, “I’m fat.” “No, you’re not,” the other scolded. “My hair is awful.” “It looks just fine.” “I’ve never looked worse,” she whined. “Yes, you have,” her friend replied
▶︎ 3 on Grandparents ◆My grandson was visiting one day when he said “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
◆A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. “Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”
◆Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
▶︎ Guy goes into the doctor’s. ‘Doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.’ ‘How’s that ?’ ‘Don’t you start.’*
◆Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop.
◆Q: What has a lot of keys but cannot open any doors?
A: A piano.
◆Q: Why did the cat sit on the computer?
A: To keep an eye on the mouse.
◆Q: Where do American cows come from?
A: Moo York.
◆Q: Did you hear about the comedian owl?
A: He was a real hoot.
▶︎ And a few to finish off the week…
◆ A Covid test nurse asked me if I’d had a sudden loss of taste! I told her “No I’ve always dressed like this!”
◆ My kid: I feel like you’re always making up rules and stuff Me: Like what? My kid: Like if I don’t clean my room a portal will open up and take me to another dimension. Me: Well that’s what happened to your older brother. My kids: What older brother? Me: Exactly!
◆ What I if told you … You read the first line wrong?
◆ I’m opening a school for cattle farmers. You herd it here first!
◆My wife’s leaving me because of my terrible spelling. I might have guest!
◆Enter new password: > chicken Password must contain a capital: > chickenkiev
I do it my way 