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DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ HOME NEWS DESK

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✏️ Health situation update

⦿ Daily update on the Covid epidemic in France, with figures from Santé Publique France and the Ministry of Health.

CONTAMINATIONS
This Saturday 30 October, 7,360 new cases of Covid-19 were recorded in 24 hours, according to figures from Santé publique France, bringing the total number of confirmed cases since the beginning of the epidemic to 7,160,548. The test positivity rate is 1.9%.

HOSPITALISATIONS
The number of Covid-19 patients hospitalised was 6,524 (-710 in 24 hours), including 1,039 in intensive care units.

DEATHS
In 24 hours, 22 people died in hospital due to Covid. The total number of deaths since the beginning of the epidemic is 117,671, of which 90,788 were in hospital.

VACCINATION
Since the beginning of the vaccination campaign in France, 51,216,484 people have received at least one injection (i.e. 76.4% of the total population) and 50,034,734 people now have a complete vaccination schedule (i.e. 74.6% of the total population)[1].

▫️ SEASONAL PIC

It all started 2,500 years ago on the hill of Tlachtga. A great feast was held to celebrate the Celtic New Year on 31 October, just before the ominous winter nights. Here, the setting fits so well with the legends. The Irish love them, like the one about Jack O’Lantern, the character from Irish fairy tales who is now represented as a pumpkin with flaming eyes. “It was an evil creature, and people used to put a light inside it so they wouldn’t be scared,” says Thomas Dillon, a farmer in County Meath, who now sells 20,000 pumpkins during October, a must-see event for families. The sculptures, once carved into turnips until Irish immigrants to the United States preferred pumpkins, are displayed in front of homes and in schools.

Of course, this festival takes on its full meaning after dark, especially on a full moon night. This weekend even saw the opening of a festival dedicated entirely to Halloween, from a gloomy trail through the forest to numerous poetic shows. Slane Castle is the backdrop for the mix of history and legend, a symbol of Ireland’s pride in its folklore, heritage and Celtic roots.

▫️ FOOD & DRINKS

Time and time again, nuts have been shown to confer numerous benefits, such as better heart and brain health, better weight management and protection against chronic diseases, to name a few. Over time, these benefits add up to ensure healthy aging in later life.

While practically any kind of nut will help you age gracefully, a recent study found that one kind of nut, in particular, outshines the rest as a “superfood” for healthy ageing: WALNUTS

How to add walnuts to your diet

Walnuts are typically enjoyed raw as healthy snacks, but you can also incorporate them into your go-to recipes. Here are some easy ways to add walnuts to your diet: 

• Top your salads with chopped walnuts
• Make homemade granola with a mixture of dried fruits, seeds and nuts, including walnuts
• Use walnuts to make pesto sauce
• Top your yogurt with chopped walnuts and fruits
• Add walnuts to bread batter

Take note that walnuts are prone to becoming rancid because of their high fat content. If you want them to last in storage, keep them in their shells in a cool, dark and dry place.

▫️ MUSIC

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▫️ INTERESTING FACTS

▫️ FUN / SATIRE

▫️ THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

Greeting from the Autumnial north  (guess I would never have made it as a sign writer)


✒︎ I call my toothpaste ‘Death’ …
… Then I tell people, “I had a brush with Death this morning.”


✒︎ Someone broke into my house last night.
They took all my soap, shampoo, deodorant and toothpaste. They made a clean getaway.


✒︎ Some interesting thoughts  

▻ I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”


▻ I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.


▻ Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.


▻ What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.


▻ Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu – you get what you deserve.


▻ I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any.


▻ What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.


▻ When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.


▻ Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today?
I don’t know and don’t really care.


▻ The guy who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize

▻ Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I do it with my eyes closed.

✒︎ Two short jokes  

▻ In Spain, I saw a guy in the shop buying cases of San Miguel beer, panatellas and sombreros, I thought “Hispanic buying”

▻I told my girlfriend I was buying a spaghetti car.    She didn’t believe me.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta”

✒︎ A man was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when he heard
his wife’s’ voice in the kitchen.  “What would you like
for dinner, sweetie?  Do you want chicken, beef or lamb?

“Surprised, he answered, “Thanks!  I’d like chicken.”

“You’re having soup, drongo.  I was talking to the cat.”

✒︎ Two guys are being chased by a bear, when one stops to
put on his sneakers.

The other guy yells, “You idiot, you can’t outrun a bear.”

The first guy gasps, “I don’t have to outrun a bear – I just have to outrun you.”

The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew
anything about it.

✒︎ Friendship among Women:

A woman didn’t come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:

A man didn’t come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

✒︎ It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried-looking man came up to the side counter and demanded, “What do I have to do to
change the address on my account?” Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, “Move.”

✒︎ Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way
of communicating.
A woman overheard her aunt and uncle one day, “What are you
looking for in that closet?” she asked.”Nothing,” he answered. “Well, it’s not in there. Look under the bed.”

✒︎ “The thrill is gone from my marriage,” one buddy told another. “Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?” “But what if my wife finds out?””Heck, this is a new age we live in. Go ahead and tell her about it!” So the guy went home and said, “Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together.” “Forget it,” said his wife. “I’ve tried that so many times and it never worked.”

✒︎ A little boy was waiting for his mother. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. I’d like you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.” The little boy replied with a laugh; “You’re kidding me, right? You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”

▻ Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?

A: Because he was sitting on the deck!

▻ Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A: A widow.

▻ Q: What did the pen say to the pencil?

A: What’s your point?

▻ Q: What has four legs but can’t walk?

A: A chair!

▻ Q: What did the baby light bulb say to the mama light bulb?

A: I love you watts and watts!

▻ Q: What do you call a fake noodle

A: An impasta!

✒︎A few hilarious short ones to complete the week. 

▻ Did you know Muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven? (go on, pronounce it backwards)

▻ Turns out, when people ask you who your favourite child is, you’re supposed to pick one of your own! Oops! 

▻ Sure, skydiving is scary but … have you ever been to someone’s house and the toilet won’t flush? 

▻ Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and say “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you! 

▻ We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis? 

▻ My wife asked me why I spoke so quietly in the house.
I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening!
She laughed.
I laughed.
Alexa laughed.
Siri laughed ….. 

▻ I can’t believe I got fired on my very first day as a signwirter!

▻ Women love it when you kiss their neck .. just not when they’re driving … and you’re in the back seat … and they don’t know you! 

▻ I finally did it! I bought a pair of shoes with memory foam insoles. No more forgetting why I walked into the kitchen! 

▻ I was going to post a time travel joke … but you lot didn’t like it! 

▻ I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and barks a lot. Let me know if interested and I’ll jump over my neighbour’s fence and get it for you! 

Catch you later…..

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

▫️ ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

❒ Watch the sun spit out a whopper X1 solar flare that could fuel Halloween aurora lights 

❒ Malaysian gynaecologist creates ‘world’s first unisex condom’

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