Weekly Post – May 1st

Living through a pandemic

in the south of France

407 days in Carcassonne since

1st lockdown in March 2020

DAILY AND WEEKLY STATISTICS HERE

With the possibility of rediscovering, at last, the pleasure of going to the cinema, visiting a nice exhibition, sipping a drink on a terrace… and all this until 9pm, because the curfew will also be extended. The date of this first return to a sort of “life before” is to be remembered and noted on your tablets: Wednesday 19 May. It will do us good. It really will! For those sectors heavily impacted by the health crisis, the cinema professionals and the world of culture in general, the “non-essential” businesses, it is also a breath of fresh air. The restrictive measures will therefore be lightened little by little until 30 June when the end of the curfew is scheduled. Already, from this Monday, the noose will loosen again with the abandonment of the compulsory daytime certificate to travel within 10 km of home.

In May, no, we don’t do as we please but yes, in May, France will reopen

So, now we are all aware of the expected deconfinement calendar. I for one, am looking forward to the end of the 10km radius this coming monday. I guess the first thing I’ll do is go to the seaside and check out if beaches are getting ready for their re-opening 3 weeks later on the 19th.

▫️ VACCINATIONS

As of Saturday 1 May, all 18-55 year olds suffering from obesity, hypertension, diabetes, renal or cardiac insufficiency, cancer… have access to vaccination. This represents 4 million people. May 15 for those aged 50 and over, June 15 for all adults. The President of the Republic specified yesterday morning the next major steps of the vaccination. As previously mentioned, we have to be very careful still. All the planned deconfinement steps are subject to the “departement” not exceeding the dreaded Incidence Rate of 400 and look on the map above how many departements are over 400 (dark colour) as of April 28th.

▫️ STATUS INDIA

The situation in India is getting worse and many countries are sending help. For those who have visited India, it is not a surprise, the complete lack of infrastructure and hygiene for most of the population will ensure that it can only get worse in particular since the virus is mutating. I am also certain that the figures reported are only the tip of the iceberg, many people will not bother or not be in a position to seek medical help and surely there are even more cases and deaths than what is actually reported.

However when looking at the number of deaths reported, from a percentage of the population point of view, the UK is far worse than India (more than 12 times worse in fact). France is also above India although 15% better than the UK.

▫️ PLANES

You do not hear many, if at all, jet planes for the past few weeks. The daily RyanAir flights to Carcassonne have stopped weeks ago. The day before yesterday however was a bit different. I was sitting outside reading my latest book acquisition and it felt that many planes were passing overhead at very regular intervals. I checked on my phone and in fact it was a single military Airbus passing many times on a north – south – north trajectory. Very peculiar indeed.

▫️ TIP

Longevity…to be pondered… it makes you think !!!!

  1. The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54
  2. The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57.
  3. The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41
  4. The best footballer in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60.

BUT

  1. The inventor of KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) has died at the age of 94.
  2. The inventor of the Nutella brand died at the age of 88.
    Imagine, cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102
  3. The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake.
  4. The inventor of Hennessey cognac died at the age of 98.

How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?


The rabbit always hops up and down, but it only lives for 2 years and the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all lives for 400 years.

So rest, relax, stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy your life!

▫️ MUSIC OF 1969

Another Top Hit in France at that time

I prefer the version from Barry Ryan which is the one we were listening to at the time, however Mr Ryan did not have the “Claudettes” to accompany him which Clo Clo had.

🎶 / 🎶 / 🎶

▫️ FOOD & DRINKS

As usual at the beginning of the month, a list of the seasonal fruits and vegetables (in French but with pictures) to be expected. I saw quite a few melons at the market this morning but they are all imprted from Morocco and Spain (a disgrace). I’ll wait patiently from the real local stuff to be available next month.

▫️ SATIRE

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

▫️ THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

Welcome to another end-of-week FFF



Some more short jokes ………… 

∙ Do hairdressers get a cut of the profits?

∙ I’ve been listening to a cassette of protest songs; it’s a demo tape.

∙ My wife thinks I’m just a gullible old fool who will never amount to anything. Well, according to my daily horoscope, she’s wrong

∙ Using bleach in your washing is the only true path to enwhitenment.

∙ Me: I’m having a great day apart from Newpussycat

Friend: What’s Newpussycat?

Me: Whoaaah, Whoaaah, Whoaaah (Groan!)

● As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to play & sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery out in the country. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I sang from my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my keyboard and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.” Apparently, I’m still lost….

● A car hits a lady & the husband calls 911.
The operator asks, “Where are you at”?
The husband replies, “I’m on Eucalyptus Road.”
The operator asks, “Can you spell that for me?”
“Well… I’ll just drag her over to Oak so you can you pick her up there?”

● “According to a new study, cats may have more potential than dogs to sniff out bombs. They just won’t bother to tell you.” –Seth Meyers

● Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died. “You know,” Mom said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.” Susie stopped crying and asked, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

● An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved, I love you, Sally. On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money – fifty thousand dollars!
Jerry said, “We’ve got to give it back.”
Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armo  red car yesterday?”
Sally said  “No.”
Jerry said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”
Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”
The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.
One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”
Jerry said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday” …
The first police officer turned to his partner and said,” We’re outta here!”

● A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. “Lady,” one of them explained, “we’re on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar.”
“Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?”
“Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend.”

● “How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue… and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?” — Rita Rudner

● Sign seen in an animal shelter: “All children left unattended will be given a free kitten.”

● Tower: “Virgin 702, cleared for takeoff, contact departure on 124.7.”
Virgin 702: “Tower, Virgin 702 switching to departure … by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Qantas 635, cleared for takeoff. Contact departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Virgin?”
Qantas 635: “Qantas 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Virgin. We’ve already notified our caterers.”

● A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.”

● One gossip to another: “It’s my policy never to say anything about anyone unless it’s something good. And boy is this ever good!”

∙ Q: Did you hear about the two silk worms that had a race?

A: It was a tie


∙ Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?

A: Because they always use honeycombs.


∙ Q: Did you hear about the robbery in the laundry room?

A: Two clothespins held up a pair of pants.


∙ Q: Where would you look when purchasing felines via mail order?

A: In a Cat-a-log.


∙ Q: What kind of school does a carpenter go to?

A: Boarding school.

And a few ‘ex’ jokes for the road.

My ex-wife still misses me… But her aim is getting better.

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.

My ex-husband kept the only copy of our wedding video. I can’t see myself getting married again.

Was in court with the ex-wife over who’d get the kids in the divorce, she told the judge about the time I flew into a rage a threw an entire trifle at her. So of course, she got custardy.

My ex-wife used to hit me with stringed instruments.If only I had known she had a history of violins.

What did the janitor’s ex-husband accuse her of? Sweeping around.

See ya later!

▫️ FUN

▫️ WEATHER

There is nothing good to say about the weather today. I have been reliably informed though that summer is arriving on Monday .

▫️ WEEEND READS

🔸 How Pixar Uses Hyper-Colors to Hack Your Brain (Wired)

🔸 A Chinese company has started charging for fully driverless rides(ArsTechnica)

🔸 With Ransomware Attacks, Criminals Have The Upper Hand (NPR)

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