Daily Post – July 23rd

Living through a pandemic

in the south of France

490 days in Carcassonne since

1st lockdown in March 2020

DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ FROM HOME’S NEWS DESK

Edited in Prisma app with Broadway

✏️ The incidence rate is rising sharply in the Aude departement, up 260% in one week. The State is putting in place mass vaccination in the resorts of the Aude coastline, and is making it compulsory in high density areas to wear a mask, while prohibiting the consumption of alcohol from 11pm to 6am, whether you have a health pass or not.

The Regional Health Agency was right a week ago: the Aude is taking the same turn as the Pyrénées Orientales, the first department in France to experience a vertiginous increase in the contamination of the Delta variant.

The incidence rate in the department of Aude has worsened to 174.4 per 100,000 inhabitants, an increase of 260% in one week. The increase in contamination is observed in all age groups and more particularly among young people between 20 and 30 years old.

In order to restrict the circulation of the virus in places where the population mixes, which is particularly numerous during this summer period, especially among young people aged between 20 and 30, new measures are being implemented.

From this Thursday 22 July, it will be compulsory for people over the age of eleven to wear a mask in densely populated areas and in all places where it is difficult to get away from it. This means that in busy shopping streets, such as in the Cité de Carcassonne or on the Barques in Narbonne, masks are once again compulsory, as well as in the vicinity of train stations and public transport waiting areas, in the vicinity of places of worship at the entrance and exit of services, in queues, in all gatherings (village festivals, dances, demonstrations), on markets, flea markets, similar open-air or covered gatherings, the mask is once again compulsory by prefectural decree. With or without a health pass.

In the whole of the Aude department, the consumption of alcohol on the public highway and in public spaces, and standing consumption in bars, pubs and restaurants is prohibited until 6 August inclusive from 11pm to 6am.

Vaccination coverage is also continuing to improve in the department, with 53.26% of the population having received a first injection and 42.32% having received a full vaccination schedule. A rate which remains insufficient to block the circulation of the virus.

▫️  SATIRE

▫️ TRAVEL NEWS

There are quite a few new 🔸 items on the Travel Page.

▫️   MUSIC

Mylène Farmer is the French singer who has sold the most records since the 1980s (more than 30 million). She is also the artist with the most number one hits in the Top 50 (21 No. 1 songs) and in the Top 10.

Her shows are something else. Hard to believe she will be 60 in a few weeks ….

▫️  FUN

▫️  THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

G’day again from the south.  Here’s a few to make you giggle…

✒︎ I became confused when I heard the word ‘service’ used with these
agencies:Banking ‘Service’, Postal ‘Service’, Telephone ‘Service’, Civil ‘Service’, 

Public ‘Service’, Customer ‘Service.’
Then I visited a neighbour’s farm. He was talking about hiring a bull to ‘Service’ his cows.

Suddenly BAM!!!  It all came clear.
Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us!

✒︎ Some short jokes ………….

▹ A plastic surgeon’s office, the only place where no one gets
offended when you pick your nose.

▹ What Swedish pop group did the sheep listen to? BA!BA!

▹ I went for a job as a blacksmith; the boss said have you ever
shoed a horse before, I said no but I told a donkey to get lost once

▹ I thought growing old would take longer.

▹ Someone has just told me that I don’t know how to shave properly…
bloody cheek!

Two more…

▹ How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
Five and you should have seen the size of that light bulb. Five of us almost weren’t enough!

▹I have a room in my house that’s full of mirrors. Sometimes i go there to reflect.

✒︎ A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks sympathetically.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking when the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove had caught on fire. It went up
in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is gone…” “Wait! Back up a minute,” the man says. “My agent called?”

✒︎ One day God calls down to Noah and says, “Noah, me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark”.
Noah replies,”No probs God, me old Supreme Being anything you want, after all you’re the Guv’…… but God interrupts, “Ah there a catch.  This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks, one on top of the other”.

“20 Decks?” screams Noah. “Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say, should I fill it with up with all the animals just like last time?””Yep, that’s right, well.. sort of right..this time I want you to fill it up with fish”, God answers.  “Fish?” queries Noah……”yep fish says God, but to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp……wall to wall……floor to ceiling…Carp!”
Noah looks to the skies.  “OK God me old mate, let me get this right.

“You want a New Ark?” “Check”
“With 20 Decks?”   “Check”
“One on top of the other?’   “Check”
“And you want it full of Carp?”. “Check” ..
“Why?” asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether..

“Dunno”, says God…..      “I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark”

✒︎ Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, the husband shouted to to his wife,
“What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she replied.  “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Sydney.”

✒︎ It was a cold winter day.An old man walked out onto a frozen lake for fishing, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite.He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him.The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a
Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn’t take it any longer.
 “Son,” he said, “I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?”
The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”
“What was that?” the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”
“Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”
The boy spat the bait into his hand and said…
“You have to keep the worms warm!”

✒︎ Some puns…

▹ A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

▹ Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

▹ Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

▹ When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

▹ In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

▹ If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.


▹ Q: How would you describe an Octopus with only 7 tentacles?

A: Not the full squid!


▹ Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a millipede?

A: Drumsticks for everyone.


▹ Q: Why was the ancient Egyptian confused?

A: Because his daddy was also his mummy.


▹ Q: What did one arithmetic book say to the other?

A: We’ve got problems.


▹ Q: What do you call a row of 50 rabbits walking backwards?

A: A receding hare line.


▹ Q: Why should you always guard your rear while you’re in the hospital?

A: You’re in enema territory.


▹ Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

A: Polaroids.

On that note – see you in the sun next week (hopefully)

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

▫️  ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

✏️  UK says it wants to substantially rewrite Northern Ireland Brexit protocol

✏️ Liverpool stripped of Unesco World Heritage status 

✏️ These Bendy Plastic Chips Fit in Unusual Places 

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