DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ HOME’S NEWS DESK

✏️ Daily update – National

CONTAMINATIONS
On Thursday 19 August, 23,973 new cases of Covid-19 were recorded in 24 hours, according to figures from Santé publique France, bringing the total number of confirmed cases since the beginning of the epidemic to 6,557,356.

The positivity rate, which measures the number of positive cases in relation to the number of people tested, stands at 3.4%.

HOSPITALISATIONS
The number of Covid patients in hospital is now 10,392 (including 976 new admissions).

Hospital admissions in critical care units, which take care of the most serious cases, remain high, with 2,049 patients, including 186 new admissions in 24 hours.

DEATHS
127 people have died of Covid-19 in hospitals in the last 24 hours, bringing the total number of deaths in France to 113,182, including 86,607 in hospital.

VACCINATION
To date, 47,127,195 people have received at least one injection, i.e. 69.9% of the total population, and 40,508,406 people have had a complete vaccination schedule, i.e. 60.1% of the total population.

✏️ Regional update

Thanks to the figures communicated this Thursday by Santé publique France, here is the balance of the epidemic in the Aude and Pyrénées-Orientales.

In Aude, this Thursday evening, 98 people are hospitalised because of Covid-19 (+5 in 24 hours), including 15 in intensive care (as much as on Wednesday). 69 are in conventional hospitalisation (+5), 13 in follow-up or long-term care (stable number) and 1 in other structures. Two additional deaths are to be deplored this Thursday. The coronavirus has caused the death of 381 people in the Aude since the beginning of the pandemic.

The incidence rate continues to fall in the department. It is 372.1 cases per 100,000 inhabitants in the week from 10 to 16 August (published on 19 August) compared to 394.7 cases per 100,000 inhabitants in the week from 9 to 15 August.

12 hospital deaths in one week in the Pyrénées-Orientales
In the Pyrenees-Orientales, this Thursday evening, 135 people are hospitalised because of Covid-19 (-1 in 24 hours). Among them, 26 are in intensive care (as much as on Wednesday), 59 in conventional hospitalisation (-2), 36 in follow-up care or long term (+1) and 14 in other structures (stable number).
The department deplores two additional deaths in 24 hours (12 in one week), which brings to 365 the total of victims in hospital since the beginning of the epidemic.

In the Pyrénées-Orientales, the incidence rate is back under 400 infections. In the sliding week from 10 to 16 August (published on 19 August), it was 393.1 cases per 100,000 inhabitants compared to 408.4 per 100,000 in the sliding week from 9 to 15 August.

▫️ MUSIC

“Music is the greatest communication in the world. Even if people don’t understand the language that you’re singing in, they still know good music when they hear it.” – Lou Rawls

▫️ TRAVEL NEWS

Travel Page. has been updated with the latest information below:

20/08: From September 1st, French and European travellers will again be exempted from short-stay visas to enter South Korea, but will have to obtain an electronic travel authorisation and respect a 14-day quarantine.
20/08: As of 1 September, only vaccinated people will be able to enter Oman.
20/08: Singapore to reopen its borders to vaccinated travellers from Germany, Hong Kong, Brunei and Macau.
20/08 : Thailand extends quarantine-free entry for vaccinated people to Koh Phi Phi, Koh Ngai, Railay, Khao Lak, Koh Yao, Koh Samui, Koh Phangan and Koh Tao in addition to Phuket.

19/08 : From 1 September, North Macedonia will require either a vaccination certificate, a PCR test less than 72 hours old, or proof of having been infected with covid.
19/08: Morocco and Algeria move to France’s red list. Unvaccinated travellers will have to justify a compelling reason, present a negative test and isolate themselves for ten days on their return to France.

▫️ FUN

▫️ THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

Sunny Friday greetings to you all

✒︎A man rushed into the doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!!”

The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”

✒︎Bloke sat in his armchair shouts to his wife, “When I die, I’m going to leave everything to you, Love”
She shouts back, “You already do, you lazy b*stard!”

✒︎ My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

“Did you smell that food?” she asked. “Incredible!”

Being the nice guy I am, I thought, “What the heck, I’ll treat her!”

So we walked past it again.

✒︎”I was homeschooled, which meant that I had to bully myself.” – Dave Letterman

✒︎After a busy day commuters settled down on their train train trip home, when a chap hauled out his mobile and loudly started up:-

 “Hi darling it’s Peter, I’m on the train – yes, I
know it’s the 6.30 not the 4.30 but I had a long meeting – no, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss no darling you’re the only one in my life – yes, I’m sure,
cross my heart” etc.

This was still going on after many minutes , when the young
 woman opposite, driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice,
 “Hey, Peter, turn that bloody phone off and come back to bed!”


✒︎”Italian authorities seized $6 trillion worth of fake, worthless U.S. Treasury bonds. Pretty 

good counterfeit job, too. They look just like the genuine worthless Treasury bonds.” 

Jay Leno


✒︎In a train compartment, there are three men and one ravishing young girl. 

The four passengers join in a conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

Then, the young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs.” The men, charmed by this young girl, 

all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl
pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me $5, I’ll show you my thighs.” 

Men being what they are, they all pull out a five-dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the
way to the top of her thighs..

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. 

Then the young girl says, “If you will give me $20, I will show you where I was operated on 

for an appendicitis.”

Naturally, all three fork over the money, and then the girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, “Right over there!”

✒︎A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal 

thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it.

Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, 

“Well that’s great, just great… but I think I know where my pen is.”

✒︎A secretary, out with appendicitis, was being visited by a co-worker in the hospital.

“How are things at the office going, Claudia?” she asked.

“Well, they’re all sharing your work. Jody is making the coffee, Louise is reading all your 

magazines, and Cathy is making it with the boss.”


✒︎On the way back from a Cub  Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, 

‘Dad, I know babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?’

After my  son hemmed and hawed awhile,  my grandson finally spoke up in disgust,

 ‘You don’t have to make up something, Dad.  It’s okay if you don’t  know the answer.’


✒︎Three friends from the local congregation were asked, ‘When you’re in your casket, and 

friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?

Artie said: ‘ I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.’

Eugene commented: ‘I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives.’

Al said: ‘I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’


✒︎”For sale,” read the ad in our hospital’s weekly newsletter, “sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 10, veil included. Worn once, by mistake.”

✒︎Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks, “Where are all the monkeys?”

“It’s mating season,” the keeper replies. “They’re inside.”

“Do you think they’d come out for peanuts?”

“Probably not,” answers the keeper.

“Why not?” persists the visitor.

“Would you?”



✒︎A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder. there is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer,
knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he’ll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all” the lawyer says as he looks at his watch. “Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this
court room,” he says looks towards the courtroom door. The jury, somewhat stunned, all look eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens.

Finally the lawyer says “Actually I made up the previous statement. But you all looked in anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to
whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.” The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returns and a representative
pronounces a verdict of guilty.

“But how?” inquires the lawyer. “You must have some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.” Answers the representative: “Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t.”


✒︎”Police officers say that because of the economy, more thieves are stealing petrol from parked cars. Victims said they hadn’t felt that robbed since they put the petrol INTO their
car.” -Jimmy Fallon


✒︎A friend once complained to my sister about the difficulties contained in child rearing,  especially the lack of peace and quiet rest.
“What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself,” my sister suggested.
So my sister’s friend bought a playpen. A few days later, my sister called to ask how things were going.
“Superb! I can’t believe it,” she replied. “I get in the pen with a good book and the kids don’t bother me one bit!”

✒︎Two overweight middle aged women are on their daily exercise stroll. They were talking about how hard it is to lose weight as one gets older, something with which all you youths must deal eventually.

One woman complained that she remained an ‘apple-shape’ and the other said that no matter how much she exercised, there was too much poundage on her backside and thighs. It almost seemed like it was there to stay.
Her buddy agreed, saying, “It’s true. The lard works in mysterious ways.”



Q: What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise?

A: A zebra with a drumkit.


Q: What did the dryer say to the washer?

A: Let’s go for a spin.


Q: Why do sharks live in salt water?

A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Q: What did the geometry teacher say when she lost her parrot?

A: Where’s my polygon?


Q. What do you call a Greek parachutist?

A. Con Descending.


Q: Why did the leper baseball pitcher retire?

A: He threw his arm out.


Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A: A Roaming Catholic.


Q: What is hairy and coughs?

A: A coconut with a cold.


Q: Why did the cowboy ride his horse?

A: Because it was too heavy to carry.

———————————————–

See you next week.

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

  ▫️  ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

 📖 Billions in US weaponry seized by Taliban 

 📖 How you may see Jupiter and her moons tonight 

📖 What happens to your brain when you give up sugar

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