DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ HOME’S NEWS DESK

✏️ Daily update – National

CONTAMINATIONS
On Friday 27 August, 18,249 new cases of Covid-19 were recorded in 24 hours, according to figures from Santé publique France, bringing the total number of confirmed cases since the beginning of the epidemic to 6,711,268. The positivity rate, which measures the number of positive cases in relation to the number of people tested, stands at 3%.

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS
The critical care units, which treat the most serious forms of the disease, received 2,270 people, 9 more than the previous day.

DEATHS
95 people have died of Covid-19 in hospitals in the last 24 hours, bringing the total number of deaths in this epidemic in France to 114,083.

VACCINATION
To date, 48,249,676 people have received at least one dose of vaccine, i.e. 71.6% of the total population, and 43,199,196 people have received the full vaccination schedule, i.e. 64.1% of the total population.

✏️ Daily update – Regional

Covid-19 claimed three new victims this Friday evening in the Pyrénées-Orientales. There is one more death in the Aude in the same day.

In the Pyrénées-Orientales, 12 people have died in the last 7 days, including 3 in 24 hours. In total, 377 people have died from Covid in the department.
This Friday evening, there were 124 people hospitalised (-6 in 24 hours) including 21 in intensive care (-1) and 56 in conventional hospitalisation (-2).

In the Aude, 92 people were hospitalised this Friday evening (-4 in 24 hours) including 17 in intensive care (as the day before) and 62 in conventional hospital (-4). 390 people died in the department, including 1 more in 24 hours. 9 deaths were recorded during the week in the Aude.

In the Occitanie region, 1,216 people were hospitalised (-32 in 24 hours), including 306 in intensive care (-3) and 634 in conventional hospitalisation (-30).
4,906 people died from Covid-19, including 23 in 24 hours.

✏️ Vaccinations 💉

So now it is official, a third dose or booster will be made available as of Septembre for the over 65, to start with, and / or for people at risk. The booster will be exclusively an RNA messenger type of vaccine and namely Pfizer or Moderna even if your first 2 shots were Astra Zeneca.

✏️ R0 number

For the past couple of days, the magical R number at the national level is reported to be under 1 and actually showing a value of 0,93. As a reminder:

If the R value is higher than one, then the number of cases keeps increasing.

But if the R number is lower the disease will eventually stop spreading, because not enough new people are being infected to sustain the outbreak.

▫️ MUSIC

▫️ TRAVEL NEWS

Travel Page. has been updated with the latest information below:

27/08: The following countries will change colour in France’s classification on 29 August:

• Georgia, Iran and Turkey move to red.
• Albania, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Kosovo, Northern Macedonia, Montenegro and Serbia move to orange.
• Chile and Uruguay turn green.
  
  26/08: Fiji’s borders are scheduled to reopen in December.
  26/08: US airlines fear that US air borders with Europe will not open until November.
  26/08 : Greece announces new restrictions for unvaccinated travellers.
  26/08: Madagascar’s borders are expected to reopen in October.
  26/08: Qantas plans to reopen Australia’s borders in December.
  26/08: The number of weekly flights to Algeria will be increased from 9 to 32 from 28 August as part of the partial reopening of airspace. Source

▫️ FOOD & DRINKS

New sort and first crop from the garden

▫️ FUN

▫️ SATIRE

 ▫️ THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

Greeting FFFs

Hope you get a few laughs from this lot.

A few quick ones to start……

✒︎Two Irishmen flying in a biplane, one says to the other “ If we fly
upside down, will we fall out?” His mate says “ No Paddy, we’ve been
friends for years.”

✒︎I thought it was the washing machine shrinking my clothes…
Turns out it is the refrigerator.

✒︎I never repeat gossip: so listen carefully the first time.

✒︎I use to hate it when my mom would dress me and my twin brother in the same clothes. We could hardly walk.

✒︎I was in a cafe the other day. Two waitresses were having an argument about how long to leave the tea bag in..

It ended up being a big brawl, I asked the manager how did that happen?

He said ‘I don’t know but it’s been brewing for ages!’….

✒︎Apparently, it’s only appropriate to say, “Look at you! You got so big!”, to children.
Adults tend to get offended.

✒︎ During a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, “Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was crushed.”

There was a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation.
“Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and they were able to reconstruct the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum, using wire to reinforce and shape it.”

The men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably.
“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” 

All the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Phil.”
The entire congregation held its breath.
“I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”

✒︎ Interesting musings ……….

⚬ I had amnesia once – or twice.

⚬ Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

⚬ All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

⚬ I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

⚬ If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

⚬ What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

⚬ They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.

⚬ Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows
up, he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

⚬ Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

⚬ Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

⚬ What if there were no hypothetical questions?

⚬ One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

✒︎ A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.

“In English,” he explained, “a double negative forms a positive.

In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.”

“However,” the professor continued, “there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up

“Yeah, right.”

✒︎ A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and
was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her
feet.

*’*I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?’
She said, ‘Yes, my husband and I use it all the time.’
‘If you don’t mind my asking,’ he said, ‘what do you use it for?’
‘We use it for s*x,’ she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback. ‘Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge.

But in fact, I know that most people do use it for s*x. I admire
you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you
tell me exactly HOW you use it for s-x?’

The woman said, ‘I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on
the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.

✒︎ At a good bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing,’ our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. 

We should do this more often.’

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

✒︎ Since my purchases came to $19.06, I handed the cashier a twenty.

“Do you have six cents?” she asked.

“Sorry,” I said after fishing around my pockets, “I have no cents.”

“Finally,” she muttered, “a man who can admit it.”

✒︎ Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams.

“I dreamed I was on vacation,” one man said fondly. “It was just me
and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream.”

“I had a great dream too,” said the other. “I dreamed I was in bed with
two beautiful women and having the time of my life.”

His companion looked over and exhorted, “You dreamed you had two
women, and you didn’t call me?”

“Oh, I did,” said the other, “but when I called, your wife said you’d gone fishing.”

✒︎ I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

✒︎ When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring 

her a few items from home. One item on the list was “comfortable underwear.” 

Worried I’d make the wrong choice, I asked, “How will I know which ones to pick”

“Hold them up and imagine them on me,” she said. “If you smile, put them back.”

✒︎ And to see out the week…..

Most of our generation of 60+ were    HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother & father taught me LOGIC.

” Because I said so, that’s why       .”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother & father taught me IRONY.

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

18  . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.

“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Catch you next time.

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

  ▫️  ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

 📖 Fastest orbiting asteroid found in our solar system 

📖 This Barnacle-Inspired Glue Seals Bleeding Organs in Seconds 

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