DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ MOBILE NEWS DESK

✏️ Yes, the highly contagious delta variant will be responsible for more than half of the new contaminations as of this weekend. Olivier Véran, the Minister of Health, said so yesterday. This is obviously not good news, given its high transmissibility. And the fourth wave now promises to be inevitable. However, there is definitely reason not to give in to despondency. Let’s just not forget the essential barrier gestures, even if we go on vacation today. In some cities, such as Saint Malo or Nice, masks are back outside. Hand washing or hydroalcoholic gel must remain a habit. Above all, it was not the case last year, you can be vaccinated! And it is much easier today to get an appointment. To be injected with a second dose, for example, at your holiday destination is now possible and encouraged.

✏️ “Getting vaccinated is a small step for you, but a big step for herd immunity.” Olivier Veran.

▫️ GADGET

BMW’S FUTURISTIC ELECTRIC SCOOTER IS STRAIGHT OUT OF ANIME When we saw BMW’s CE 04 electric scooter concept last year, it looked like something pulled straight out of a science-fiction film. Now the company has unveiled the final consumer version of the CE 04, and while it’s lost a bit of the fantastical edge, it still looks like a vehicle that would be right at home in Akira or Ghost in the Shell. Aimed at the urban commuter, the CE 04 features a 10.25-inch LCD screen (that’s bigger than what’s in most cars!), up to 81 miles of range, and a top speed of 75mph.

▫️  QUOTE

“We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort.” — Jesse Owens

▫️ TRAVEL NEWS

No new items on the Travel Page.

This is the official government page (in French 🇫🇷) regarding the current rules for travelling abroad (in & out). It is expected that some of these rules will change, for the worse, this coming Monday.

No new items on the Travel Page

▫️   MUSIC

Epic bands, epic haircuts

▫️  THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

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🔹 Two short jokes  to start off…

✒︎ On the wall in the women’s change rooms: My husband follows me every where.
Written underneath:  ” I do not.”


✒︎ On a busy Saturday morning a young boy was lost in the shopping centre.
He told a police officer, “I’ve lost my dad.”
“What’s he like?” the cop asked.
“Football and beer,” the kid replied.

🔹 A site foreman had 10 very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.
“I’ve got a really easy job for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?”
Nine hands went up.
“Why didn’t you put your hand up,” he asked the tenth man.
“Too much effort,” came the reply.

✒︎ You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

✒︎ You’re driving a car. It isn’t a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant.

✒︎ A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

✒︎ If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

✒︎ All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

✒︎ I almost had a psychic girlfriend…. but she left me before we met.

✒︎ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.



🔹 An oldie…

An English man, Irishman and a Scotsman were drinking at a bar.

Suddenly, the Scotsman says, “As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs
back home.

In Glasgow, there’s a wee place.

The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.

When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”

“Well,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London , the barman
will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favourite pub,
the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then
another, all the drinks you like, actually.

Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see
that you gets laid, all on the house!”

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.

The Irishman swore every word was true.

Then the Englishman asked, “Did this actually happen to you?”

“Not to me, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen
to me sister quite a few times.”



🔹 A radio DJ was introducing a record. “This next one,” he said, “is for Charlotte Burke, 

who is a hundred and eleven. 

Hey, Charlotte, congratulations on a ripe old age!”

There was a short pause and then the DJ said in a somewhat
more subdued voice, “I’m sorry, I got it wrong. This next
one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill.”


🔹 Teen Joke

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him 

was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the 

dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. 

 This happened all the way through the film. 

 After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.

“That’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen,” I said. “That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.”

The man turned to me and said, “Yeah, it is. He hated the book.”


🔹 I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, 

impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s my idea of a perfect day.


The nice part about living in a small town: When you don’t know what you’re doing, 

someone else always does.


🔹 A man owned a small farm in Queensland. The Government Industrial Inspector 

claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. 

“You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.”

“All right,” said the farmer. “I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. 

I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. 

She gets $500 a week plus room and board.”

“Anybody else?” asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad.

“Yeah,” the farmer said. “There’s a half wit here. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him some tobacco.”

“Aha!” the agent roared. “I want to talk to that half-wit!”

“You’re talkin’ to him now,” said the farmer.


🔹 Some interesting observations from Alan…

✒︎ You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

✒︎ There is absolutely no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.

✒︎ Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

✒︎ The facts, though interesting, are irrelevant.

✒︎ Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

✒︎ Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

✒︎ I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

✒︎ One-seventh of your life is spent on Friday.

✒︎ By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

✒︎ There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

✒︎Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

✒︎ For every complex problem there is always a simple solution – and it is always wrong.


🔹 More short humour …

✒︎ I was born male, I identify as male, but according to Sainsbury’s deluxe
sticky toffee pudding I am actually a family of four.


✒︎ My mate had a business growing Bonsai trees. It’s going so well that
he is looking for smaller premises.


✒︎ It was nice to see so many new faces at the annual plastic surgery convention.


✒︎ When I went for my second jab the nurse said, “I see you have an iron deficiency.”
I said “how can you tell?”  She said, “Your shirt’s really creased.”
                                                  

See you in the soup.

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

▫️  ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

✏️ Everything you need to know about Richard Branson going to space this weekend