I do it my way

DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ FROM HOME’S NEWS DESK

✏️ Santé Publique France announced this Tuesday evening that the incidence rate continues to rise in the Aude region after exceeding 400 per 100,000 inhabitants on Monday.

The incidence rate in Aude published on Tuesday 27 July for the week from 18 to 24 July reached 425 per 100,000 inhabitants. On July 29th, the incidence rate has reached 459,08.

This is the highest figure ever observed in the department since the start of the epidemic in March 2020.

The incidence rate is calculated on a sliding week basis and corresponds to the number of positive weekly cases (on this 27 July, it concerns the seven days from 18 to 24) multiplied by 100,000 and then divided by the number of inhabitants.

As a reminder, positive cases are counted in their department of residence and not in their department of testing, according to the Social Security. A Parisian tested positive in Narbonne is normally counted in the positive cases of the department of Paris.

+74% more patients hospitalised, from 0 to 5 in critical care
As for hospital indicators, 47 patients were treated in hospital in the department on 27 July, i.e. 5 more than the day before, including 31 in conventional hospitalisation (+4). An indicator up 74% over seven days.

In critical care, the situation also worsened on Tuesday. Five people are being cared for in the critical care department, one more than the day before. There were none a week ago.

Ten patients are being cared for in follow-up or long-term care (stable) and 1 in another type of establishment (stable).

Zero deaths since 28 June
The department still deplores 368 deaths in Covid, a figure unchanged since 28 June.

Finally, 1,245 patients have been able to return home since the beginning of the epidemic, including 2 in 24 hours.

✏️ The mysteries of the virus

Can the Delta variant go back as fast as it came? Several European countries are experiencing a surprising drop in incidence rates: Portugal, Spain, the Netherlands, Denmark, the Czech Republic and the UK. Across the Channel, while the scientists advising the British government were fearing up to 100,000 new positive cases per day, less than 34,000 were recorded yesterday. This decrease is all the more unexpected as the country has just lifted its latest restrictions. So how should we interpret these data? Success of the vaccination campaign? The end of the Euro football tournament, which was the source of many contaminations? Unusually warm weather? The beginning of the holidays? Or perhaps all of these at the same time? Specialists are racking their brains and for the moment have no satisfactory answer.
In France, contamination continues to soar, but modelling is more optimistic
The British government, for its part, is careful not to be triumphant. Despite this encouraging trend, Prime Minister Boris Johnson yesterday called on his fellow citizens to “remain very prudent”. In France, the number of contaminations continues to soar, but the Institut Pasteur’s modelling has been more optimistic since yesterday. At the beginning of July, they were anticipating up to 4,800 hospitalisations per day. With the acceleration of the vaccination, they could be half that number. Despite this, the impact on the hospital system would remain “significant” from next month, the authors of this note argue, without “non-pharmaceutical measures”. Hence the interest of the health pass and the local restrictions that accompany its deployment. It remains to be seen whether they will be sufficient.

✏️ Travelling in the EU: how much tobacco and alcohol can you bring back?

Are you going to Italy soon and would like to return to France with a few bottles of limoncello? Have you bought several cartons of cigarettes in Spain? Beware, especially when it comes to alcohol and cigarettes, the customs authorities set allowances, even when travelling within Europe. The quantities of tobacco have been reduced by an amendment to the amended finance law published in the Official Journal on 31 July 2020.

Les franchises reprises ci-dessus ne s’appliquent pas aux produits du tabac en provenance d’Andorre 🇦🇩 pour lesquels les franchises prévues par l’accord CE/Andorre du 28 juin 1990 s’appliquent : 300 cigarettes ou 150 cigarillos ou 75 cigares ou 400 grammes de tabac à fumer.

▫️  SATIRE

▫️ TRAVEL NEWS

Travel Page. is up to date

▫️   MUSIC

▫️  FUN

▫️  THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

A bit time-zoned out this week.  Enjoy the funnies.

✒︎ A lawyer was playing golf when he got hit by a ball. When the player came overlooking for the ball, the lawyer said, “I’m a lawyer, and this will cost you $5,000”
“I’m sorry,” said the golfer.  “But i did say “fore” .
“I’ll take it said the lawyer”.

✒︎ Did you hear that the world’s biggest optimist fell out a window on the 79th floor?
As he sailed past the 20th floor, he was overheard saying “Doing ok so far!”

✒︎ Two Mafia hitmen are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.
One of them says, “I gotta admit I’m scared out here.”
The other replies, “You’re scared; I gotta walk back alone”!!!

✒︎ My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today.  I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there is a new strain out there.

✒︎ Me:  Sobbing my heart out, “I can’t see you anymore … I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”
Trainer:  “Relax! It was only one sit-up!”

✒︎ Turns out that being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

✒︎ Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think “That can’t be accurate.”


✒︎ I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently.  I have new ideas.


✒︎ I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.


✒︎ The inventor of the auto correct has died. His funnel is tomato.


✒︎ Went to the hairdressers today and said I’d like the Beach Boys cut…
…the guy said you need to see Barber Ann.


✒︎ When a child says, “I want mommy.” That’s the child version of, “I’d like to speak to your supervisor.”

✒︎ St. Peter was at the pearly gates, making his usual list of names of people waiting to get into heaven. 

✒︎ The first man walked up and Peter asked, “Who are you?”

“It’s me, Albert Jones,” the voice replied. St. Peter took his name and let him in.

St. Peter asked the second one the second same question,  “And who are you?”

“It’s me, Charlie Anderson.” St. Peter took his name and let him in.

Finally he turns to the third, asking the same question, “Who are you?”

“It is I, Vera Chapman,” answered the third.

“Oh, great,” muttered St. Peter. “Another English teacher.”


✒︎ I went to the Missing Persons Bureau. No one was there.


✒︎ A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked,
“Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?” The
coroner said, “No.”
The attorney then asked, “Did you listen for a heart beat?”, and again the coroner said, “No.”
Then the attorney asked, “Did you check for breathing?”, and again the coroner said, “No.”
“So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?”
The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere.”


✒︎ Some more puns

▹ Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you a flat minor.

▹ He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.


▹ A plateau is a high form of flattery.


▹ Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall..


▹ Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.


▹ Acupuncture is a jab well done.


✒︎ A beggar walks up to a well dressed woman who is shopping on Rodeo Drive and says, “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”

✒︎ I am in shape.  Round is a shape.

✒︎ Never be afraid to try something new.  Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

✒︎ In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

✒︎ Age doesn’t always bring wisdom.  Sometimes it comes alone.

✒︎ “Doctor, I’d like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son.”
“OK: He’s most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery.”
“How can you say all that without even meeting him?”
“I thought you said he’s 13?”

✒︎ “Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case  very carefully,” the divorce court judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said. “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few  bucks  myself.”

✒︎ One liners ……

▹ There are two kinds of pedestrians — the quick and the dead.

▹ An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

▹ Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

▹ When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

✒︎ Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumberyard. One of the men walked into the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”
The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
One of the men said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-four. I think?”
Then the clerk asked, “All right. How long do you need them?”
The other man said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

✒︎ The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.
Someone dialled 911.
When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
“It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.”

✒︎ Q: What dance was invented by Charles Dickens?

A: The Oliver Twist!


✒︎ Q: Why are scarecrows always winning awards?

A: Because they’re outstanding in their fields!

Nice and warm in the north. See you next week.

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

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✏️ Black hole: Light spotted from behind one for the first time

✏️ Iceland may be the tip of a sunken continent 

DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ FROM HOME’S NEWS DESK

✏️ The prefecture’s update, drawn up this Friday evening, confirms the surge in the number of contaminations. The hospital situation is also tense.

With an incidence rate of more than 296 per 100,000 inhabitants, the Aude region has thus happily exceeded the alert threshold at the end of the week. And this index of the circulation of the virus has literally jumped: from about 50 before 14 July, it was established at 80 last week, then it had risen to 174 on Thursday to finally approach 300 at the beginning of the weekend.

The other indicators are on the rise. The rate of positivity has risen to 6.3% this week (compared to 2.5 last week), and the number of new contaminations is increasing very strongly. There are 959 new Covid positive cases this week compared to 88 last week, with 15,185 tests performed this week (compared to 12,754 last week).

Hospital impact
“The Delta variant is beginning to have repercussions on the hospital system in the Aude region,” notes the Aude prefecture in its weekly update. In hospitals, 34 people are hospitalised for Covid-19 (compared to 25 last week), including: 4 people in intensive care (compared to 2 last week), 19 patients in conventional beds (compared to 12 last week) and 11 patients in follow-up care and rehabilitation services (compared to 14 last week).

At this stage, there are no more deaths in old people’s homes linked to Covid 19. In hospitals, 368 Covid-related deaths have been recorded since the beginning of the epidemic.

“The Delta variant is still gaining ground. The only solution is vaccination. This summer is a key moment in the fight against the epidemic: it must allow people who are still unprotected to be vaccinated, in all places and without an appointment”, reminds the prefecture which indicates the possibilities of obtaining an appointment, on http://www.sante.fr or by telephone on 0800 54 19 19.

✏️ The effectiveness of Pfizer’s vaccine against Covid-19 infection has fallen to 39% in Israel, the national health ministry said Thursday. The figure refers to the period between June 20 and July 17, it said, adding that the ongoing decline had been observed in parallel with the spread of the Delta variant in the country.

This is significantly lower than the 64% measured between 6 June and 3 July and 94.3% measured between 2 May and 5 June. However, the vaccine’s effectiveness in preventing severe cases in Israel is currently estimated at 91.4%, and 88% in preventing Covid-19-related hospitalisations.

✏️ According to the latest OpinionWay survey, 10% of French people say they have not yet been vaccinated, but intend to do so soon, 8% are still undecided and 16% are categorically opposed to the vaccine. Most of these 16% are blue collar workers, who at 24% are firmly opposed, i.e. twice as many as all other classes of the population, who are credited with 12%.

Still according to the same poll, we learn that the opponents of the vaccine are RN sympathisers (29%), a much higher level than the other parties with LFI following with 15%, 8% for the PS, 7% for EELV sympathisers, 5% for LR supporters and finally 2% on the side of LREM.

In this survey, we learn that the opponents of the vaccine are under 35 years old, are mostly men while women follow just behind, live in a rural commune or a small town, generally in the south-west or north-west of France. It is worth noting that people living in the Paris region are the most likely to be vaccinated, followed closely by people living in the south-east of France.

✏️ Water restrictions

Aude: almost the entire department placed on drought alert by the prefecture.
The following are prohibited watering of lawns, public and private green spaces, pleasure gardens from 8 am to 8 pm (individual vegetable gardens are not concerned); watering of sports areas of any kind from 8 am to 8 pm; washing of cars except for professional installations and except for regulatory obligations; the filling of swimming pools (their replenishment is authorised between 8 p.m. and 8 a.m.); the watering of crops from watercourses, their accompanying aquifers, the Canal du Midi and its annexes from 12 p.m. to 6 p.m.

▫️  SATIRE

▫️ TRAVEL NEWS

Travel Page. is up to date

▫️   MUSIC

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▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

▫️  ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

✏️  Scientists discover more than 30 viruses frozen in ice, most never seen before

DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ FROM HOME’S NEWS DESK

✏️ The incidence rate is rising sharply in the Aude departement, up 260% in one week. The State is putting in place mass vaccination in the resorts of the Aude coastline, and is making it compulsory in high density areas to wear a mask, while prohibiting the consumption of alcohol from 11pm to 6am, whether you have a health pass or not.

The Regional Health Agency was right a week ago: the Aude is taking the same turn as the Pyrénées Orientales, the first department in France to experience a vertiginous increase in the contamination of the Delta variant.

The incidence rate in the department of Aude has worsened to 174.4 per 100,000 inhabitants, an increase of 260% in one week. The increase in contamination is observed in all age groups and more particularly among young people between 20 and 30 years old.

In order to restrict the circulation of the virus in places where the population mixes, which is particularly numerous during this summer period, especially among young people aged between 20 and 30, new measures are being implemented.

From this Thursday 22 July, it will be compulsory for people over the age of eleven to wear a mask in densely populated areas and in all places where it is difficult to get away from it. This means that in busy shopping streets, such as in the Cité de Carcassonne or on the Barques in Narbonne, masks are once again compulsory, as well as in the vicinity of train stations and public transport waiting areas, in the vicinity of places of worship at the entrance and exit of services, in queues, in all gatherings (village festivals, dances, demonstrations), on markets, flea markets, similar open-air or covered gatherings, the mask is once again compulsory by prefectural decree. With or without a health pass.

In the whole of the Aude department, the consumption of alcohol on the public highway and in public spaces, and standing consumption in bars, pubs and restaurants is prohibited until 6 August inclusive from 11pm to 6am.

Vaccination coverage is also continuing to improve in the department, with 53.26% of the population having received a first injection and 42.32% having received a full vaccination schedule. A rate which remains insufficient to block the circulation of the virus.

▫️  SATIRE

▫️ TRAVEL NEWS

There are quite a few new 🔸 items on the Travel Page.

▫️   MUSIC

▫️  FUN

▫️  THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

G’day again from the south.  Here’s a few to make you giggle…

✒︎ I became confused when I heard the word ‘service’ used with these
agencies:Banking ‘Service’, Postal ‘Service’, Telephone ‘Service’, Civil ‘Service’, 

Public ‘Service’, Customer ‘Service.’
Then I visited a neighbour’s farm. He was talking about hiring a bull to ‘Service’ his cows.

Suddenly BAM!!!  It all came clear.
Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us!

✒︎ Some short jokes ………….

▹ A plastic surgeon’s office, the only place where no one gets
offended when you pick your nose.

▹ What Swedish pop group did the sheep listen to? BA!BA!

▹ I went for a job as a blacksmith; the boss said have you ever
shoed a horse before, I said no but I told a donkey to get lost once

▹ I thought growing old would take longer.

▹ Someone has just told me that I don’t know how to shave properly…
bloody cheek!

Two more…

▹ How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
Five and you should have seen the size of that light bulb. Five of us almost weren’t enough!

▹I have a room in my house that’s full of mirrors. Sometimes i go there to reflect.

✒︎ A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks sympathetically.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking when the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove had caught on fire. It went up
in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is gone…” “Wait! Back up a minute,” the man says. “My agent called?”

✒︎ One day God calls down to Noah and says, “Noah, me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark”.
Noah replies,”No probs God, me old Supreme Being anything you want, after all you’re the Guv’…… but God interrupts, “Ah there a catch.  This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks, one on top of the other”.

“20 Decks?” screams Noah. “Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say, should I fill it with up with all the animals just like last time?””Yep, that’s right, well.. sort of right..this time I want you to fill it up with fish”, God answers.  “Fish?” queries Noah……”yep fish says God, but to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp……wall to wall……floor to ceiling…Carp!”
Noah looks to the skies.  “OK God me old mate, let me get this right.

“You want a New Ark?” “Check”
“With 20 Decks?”   “Check”
“One on top of the other?’   “Check”
“And you want it full of Carp?”. “Check” ..
“Why?” asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether..

“Dunno”, says God…..      “I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark”

✒︎ Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, the husband shouted to to his wife,
“What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she replied.  “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Sydney.”

✒︎ It was a cold winter day.An old man walked out onto a frozen lake for fishing, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite.He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him.The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a
Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn’t take it any longer.
 “Son,” he said, “I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?”
The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”
“What was that?” the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”
“Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”
The boy spat the bait into his hand and said…
“You have to keep the worms warm!”

✒︎ Some puns…

▹ A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

▹ Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

▹ Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

▹ When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

▹ In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

▹ If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.


▹ Q: How would you describe an Octopus with only 7 tentacles?

A: Not the full squid!


▹ Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a millipede?

A: Drumsticks for everyone.


▹ Q: Why was the ancient Egyptian confused?

A: Because his daddy was also his mummy.


▹ Q: What did one arithmetic book say to the other?

A: We’ve got problems.


▹ Q: What do you call a row of 50 rabbits walking backwards?

A: A receding hare line.


▹ Q: Why should you always guard your rear while you’re in the hospital?

A: You’re in enema territory.


▹ Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

A: Polaroids.

On that note – see you in the sun next week (hopefully)

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

▫️  ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

✏️  UK says it wants to substantially rewrite Northern Ireland Brexit protocol

✏️ Liverpool stripped of Unesco World Heritage status 

✏️ These Bendy Plastic Chips Fit in Unusual Places 

DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ FROM HOME’S NEWS DESK

✏️ According to the figures published this Sunday evening by Santé publique France, hospital mortality has been zero in our two departments for several days.

Despite an exploding incidence rate (300 on 18 July), particularly among young people, which has motivated the return of new health restrictions, the Eastern Pyrenees are not experiencing a worsening of hospital mortality for the time being.

Thus in 10 days, between July 9 and 18, according to the latest figures published by Santé publique France, no death due to Covid-19 has been deplored in the Pyrennées Orientales. Since 7 June, i.e. 42 days, only five people have died in hospital, the toll rising from 325 to 332 on 18 July.

In Aude, 368 Covid patients have died since the beginning of the epidemic but none since 28 June, i.e. 21 days. And only 8 people have died in the last seven and a half weeks (26 May). The incidence rate is also on the rise in the department, at over 107 per 100,000 as of 18 July.

✏️ INCIDENCE RATES by departement

✏️ STORK NEWS

And then there was one left

The last one born named “Chanel” took its 1st flight early this morning. It came back to the nest 4 hours later.

Webcam link

▫️ TRAVEL NEWS

There are quite a few new 🔸 items on the Travel Page.

DAILY STATISTICS HERE

▫️ FROM HOME’S NEWS DESK

✏️ It has been a weird kind of week. I am glad to be out of hospital despite the fact, strangely, that I quite “enjoyed” most of it. Being home is of course far more comfortable. Basically the main news is that COVID’s 4th wave has arrived and is rolling in fast all over the place. Nearer home, the incidence rate in the Aude departement is back in the red at over 80 which is higher than the national average at 53. It will get worse now that the tourists and holiday makers have arrived and are crowding the beaches and other spots.

I predict that within 10 days some local restrictions, masks, curfew will be imposed again.

Although the number of new cases are exploding, the number of hospital patients and patients in ICU is stable and in fact still on a very shallow decreasing path.

After the speech from M. E Macron at the beginning of the week, a record number of people have registered to be vaccinated and in fact yesterday the record of people being vaccinated so far has been broken. This is good news and this despite the anti-vaccine propaganda from the politicians from the far left and far right. I personally think they should be taken to court and charged with intentional grievous body harm.

✏️ Driving licence

A mutual agreement between France and the UK
Do you hold a British driving licence and live in France? Since 28 June 2021, an agreement on the continued mutual recognition of driving licences between France and the UK has been in place. Holders of valid UK licences issued before 1 January 2021 can continue to drive in France. Until now these people had to exchange their licences or take the French driving test.

✏️ Fireworks

The firework in Paris 3 days ago was quite spectacular as expected. It has been a long time since I have been in my home town onJuly 14th. Maybe next year…

✏️ Apollo 11

On July 16, 1969, Apollo 11 left the Earth with what would be the first men to land on the moon. Soon enough, Neil Armstrong would plant the first footprint on the moon.

▫️  SATIRE

▫️ TRAVEL NEWS

There are quite a few new 🔸 items on the Travel Page.

▫️   MUSIC

▫️  FUN

▫️  THE FABULOUS FRIDAY (FUNNIES) GROANS from Paul

G’day from Lockdown#5.  Here are a few laughs to take your mind off it.

✒︎ Two American Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.

All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!

He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.

‘Was the other Indian crazy or what?’ 

The Indian replied ‘No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler

 ‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there’s a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave. 

The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’

Immediately, there was the answer.

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.

As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,

‘Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.

There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!’

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ Like the others, he then heard an answering call, ‘WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!’

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read……………


You’ll like this 

 

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

✒︎ You know you are old if you can remember when bacon, eggs and sunshine were good for you.

✒︎ At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to.

One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley’s hit, “Love me Tender.”

The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service.

Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found 

themselves walking in to, 

 “Return to Sender.”

✒︎ A guy is lost in the desert and desperately needs a drink. As he follows the dunes, he comes upon another man riding a camel. 

He asks the man if he has something to drink.

The man on the camel said, “No, but if you like, I have a nice selection of ties. Would you

 like to buy one?”

“No!” The first man replies. “Are you crazy?  I need something to drink, not a tie!”

So the man on the camel tells him that there is a cantina just a day’s walk ahead. 

So the walking man continues his  

slow and thirsty trek until finally he comes upon the cantina.

He gratefully approaches the doorman and begs, “I’m so glad I made it! 

Can I get in and have some water?”

The doorman frowned at him. “Not without a tie.”

✒︎ Some short thoughts  

▪︎During the Middle Ages, they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies. Does

 anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends?


▪︎We can all now agree that in 2016 not a single person got the answer correct to, 

‘Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’

▪︎English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are
visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

✒︎ Just landed a part in the remake of Treasure Island, I play long john
silver, I’m getting £5000 a week and I start Tuesday.  My mate said if I
was getting £5000 a week I’d start on Monday, I said I can’t I’m having
my leg off Monday

✒︎ What if a dog brings back the ball because he thinks we like throwing it?

✒︎ I had a blind date last night but before it I was worried what to do if she was really unattractive. My friend told me not to worry as there’s an app for just that situation. It’s
called  “Mom Are You Ok” and it schedules your phone to ring just after you meet your date.

If you like her, you just ignore your phone. If you want to cut short the date, you answer with, “Mom? What’s the matter? Are you okay?”
It works every time, no worries.

So anyway, I knocked on the girl’s door and it turns out I needn’t have worried at all. She was absolutely gorgeous and stunning!

But just when I was about to speak to her, her phone rang. She answered it and said, “Mom? What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

✒︎ Mitsy and Milda were talking about their grandchildren after the holidays.

Mitsy said,

“My daughter-in-Law stopped making my grandchildren send their
thank you notes. Each year I sent the grandchildren a card with a
generous cheque inside. I always received a lovely thank you note.
However, since my daughter-in-Law stopped making the grandkids
send thank you notes, I never hear from them.”

Milda said,

“My daughter-in-Law never made the grandchildren send thank you
notes. I, too, send them a very generous cheque. However, for the past
several years, I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In
fact, they each pay me a personal visit.”

“Wow,” remarked Mitsy. “I wish mine would do that.”

“You can, Mitsy, you can.”

“How?” Mitsy asked.

“Simple,” Milda replied.

“Do what I do: Don’t sign the cheque”

✒︎ Football with a blonde girlfriend

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. 

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants 

and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her 

date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept 

screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”

✒︎ And to finish, on a topical note…..

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

Catch you later……..

▫️ NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND 🇺🇸

Some more gems from crazy USA

▫️  ADDITIONAL READS FOR TODAY

✏️  Hard to swallow: Coral cells seen engulfing algae for first time

✏️ Volcanoes Might Explain That Phosphine on Venus

✏️ If we want to look for life on Europa, we’d better bring a drill